Hold Onto Me
by OuroborosSnyder
Summary: My Take On What Happened After The Screen Went Black On “Burden Of Proof.” Catherine is over at Gil's and they go through some tough times, but what will happen to their relationship? My 1st Fic. Now Complete! !Grillows! Note: Ch 19 Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Hold Onto Me

**Show:** CSI…Duh!

**Pairing:** Grillows!!

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**Rating:** The Rating WILL Change depending on the chapter, so just keep an eye on it.

**Spoilers:** Identity Crisis, The Finger, & Burden of Proof.

**Authors Note:** This is my first fic that I've decided to actually publish. I've been working on this for months! Critiquing and what not, so reviews are greatly appreciated! I have several chapters written already (over 11,000 characters written for this story) so it will be a long one. I've just decided to post it in chapters to see how it does. Please let me know what you think! -Snyder-

**Summary:** My Take On What Happened After The Screen Went Black in "Burden Of Proof."

**CHAPTER 1:**

Catherine had been over to Gil's townhouse several times. Usually it had something to do with a case. When they were fed up with working long hours at the office, they would take the paper work back to his house and work there. At least there it would be a bit more comfortable.

Catherine remembers vividly the first time she went over to _his _place. God how uncomfortable she felt. To say she wasn't sure of her self would be an understatement. Being out of her territory while trying to work wasn't something she was used to. At work it was easy, she knew what to do and how to do it, but being at Gil's was different. It was just him and her which made it even worse.

_Would he care if I took off my coat or my shoes? _

So many thoughts ran through her mind at the time that, to this day, she doesn't know how she ever got any work done. She often wondered if he had felt the same way, but by the look of his actions, it was a definite no. As the years went on, those feelings started to diminish and Catherine began to feel as if it were her home as much as his.

Lazily she plopped down on his couch, screwdriver in her left hand, and nothing in the other. Everyone once in a while, she'd turn her head around to look outside. She smiled as she listened to him call the flower shop, chuckling as Gil spoke into the phone.

"…not flowers, a plant, a living plant. She likes vegetation." As Gil tried to figure out what he should put for the sentiment on the card she began thinking of how she ended up at his place tonight.

_Flashback (At the lab):_

_After a hard case affecting her personally, after the effects of what happen to Jody Bradley started to wear in deep in her heart, she didn't want to be alone. Catherine just couldn't stop thinking about Lindsey. "What if it happened to Lindsey?" As she looked back up from the floor, she spotted Gil walking down the hall, his strides long and even and by the look in his eyes, he was somewhere else. She thought perhaps thinking of the preview case which he…well all of them had just put to rest. After a few more seconds she figured he was thinking of his fellow companions. Yes, his bugs. God only knew what he was actually thinking about. His mind brilliant, but he still wouldn't let anyone in to care about him or, to even love him. As he got closer to her, she shook her head to clear her thoughts and started to walk forward to meet him. _

"_Long week." She stated as she paused a few feet away from him._

"_Yeah, looking forward to going home." It was more of a statement than a question. His voice ragged and tired. So much had gone on this week with both cases that seemed endless, but more importantly, Sara's request for a leave of absence. For the life of him he couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong. I mean sure, he spends a lot of time on his experiments, bugs and other activities, of course, non-human. It wasn't that he was afraid of human contact; it's just that he's seen the way humans behave, and he's looking else where. Better to play safe and avoid is what he keeps tells himself. _

"_Want some company?" Catherine asked._

_Gil Stared at her for a few moments. He wasn't sure what to say. Was she just bored and actually want company? Or did she actually need to talk, privately, perhaps about something personal. "Oh god" he thought. "This is going to be a long night." He couldn't stop thinking, "Why would she want me as her company? I'm sure she can find a lot more interesting people than me to talk to, to…"_

"_Gil, it's a simple question, not a puzzle." She spoke loud and clear, bringing him out of his thoughts._

"_Oh. Sorry, Cath. I was just—"_

"_Thinking, I know. You need to stop doing that so much. It's not good for you. Not healthy." She laughed at that as the edge of her lips turned up to a smirk._

"_Catherine, I hardly think that…well, cognitive thinking is bad for you. So, is anything, um…wrong?" Slowly reciting the last few words slowly, shifting his weight to his other leg, not sure how long this conversation would last. His husky blue eyes fell downward in the direction of the floor as if he had just confessed something horrible._

"_Gil, stop thinking so much. I just wanted to know if you'd like to hang out tonight, you know, watch a movie, play a game, have dinner…something!" She said, raising her voice a few decibels. _

_Catherine could tell by his body movement that her sentence has reassured him, making him more relaxed. She didn't know why he was so nervous but right now, she didn't care. She just needed to be with someone. "Interaction," she thought to herself._

"_Sure Cath, why not. How about you meet me over at my place in an hour or so. I need to take a shower and clean up a bit._

"_Sounds good." Nodding her head slightly all the while her perfect smile illuminating the hallway. _

_She then turned and headed out to her car. _

_End of Flashback._

Gil smiled. "So how'd I do?" He asked, as he crossed his arms over one another. With no sign that Catherine had heard him, Gil decided to raise his voice a bit since he wasn't getting a response from the 'spacer' over on the couch. "Catherine!" At this she jumped and looked up from the couch that she was staring at.

"What?" Her voice registering a shocked tone to it.

"I said, 'how'd I do?'" Amused, Gil could help but laugh.

"About what?" Catherine asked, still confused as to what he was rambling on about.

"About the plant I got for Sara." Gil said and rolled his eyes.

He smoothly walked his way over to the couch Catherine was sitting on and sat down.

"Oh, good. Very nice." She mumbled as she sat up straight. "I wish someone would send me a plant…hell, even a flower once in a while."

Gil knew the comment was more to herself than to him, but he heard her loud and clear of course.

"Maybe if you're a good girl." He teased.

"So you mean, if I threaten to quit you'll buy me flowers?"

"Well, no. That's different." Gil said with that intelligent yet humorous tone in his voice.

"Ugh, men!" She pouted and crossed her arms in a pouting statement. "I need another drink." She announced, and rose from the couch. She made her way over to the kitchen, shrugged her shoulders and unintelligently spoke, "I guess another screwdriver will do."

"Don't you think you've had enough? What's that, your third?" Gil said with a hint of concern.

"Gil Grissom, you know I AM of legal drinking age. Would you like to see my I.D.? Oh and this will be my fourth if you must know."

"No, Catherine Willows, I do not need to see your I.D. You look old enough…ancient would be the correct term." He couldn't help but laugh following his statement.

"Did you just call me old?" She said in disbelief as she turned to face him, hands on hips.

"Well, yes." He exclaimed. Gil thought for a moment, chose his words carefully and then spoke once more. "But we're both old. Besides, that's not my point. If you have anymore, you won't be able to drive home, which means that you'll have to stay here, which means I'll have to find a place for you to sleep…on the couch I guess, which means…" Gil trailed off until Catherine finally shut him up.

"I'll take it!" Gil shifted a bit on the couch.

"Take what?" He asked, looking over towards her vicinity.

"The couch, I'll take it. Thanks, I owe you." She said, opening the refrigerator to access the orange juice.

**A/N: So, what do you think so far? Any advise? More to come soon! **

**-Snyder-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything! This story is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**Authors Note:** Thanks to the people out there that have reviewed this story, I greatly appreciate it! Several chapters to go still... I'd also like to say that although this is not a GSR fic, you will **NEVER **read any of my fics that have character bashing in them. I do not do that, so if you might be worried that I'm about to bash Sara (or GSR) don't be because it won't be in my fic! Thanks.

**CHAPTER 2:**

"Huh?" Gil said confused.

Catherine took an oversize gulp of her screwdriver, coughed a few times, then added some more vodka and smacked her lips.

"Well, since I continue to drink and you won't let me drive home…" She paused and waved her hands in the air in no particular order "And…and I know _you_ won't drive me home, I guess I'll just have to stay here tonight."

Gil didn't argue.

"Well, since I don't have to drive, I guess I better have a drink too." He said in his calm, rational tone.

Gil walked up to meet Catherine in the kitchen.

"What'll ya havve?" She said, trying her best not to slur her words. Gil, amused by this, raised a single eyebrow to her. She started to laugh as Gil bent down and reached into the refrigerator to search for the perfect item to drink. Catherine leaned to the side to try and see what he was getting right as he pulled himself upright. He quickly closed the refrigerator and turned to face her.

He jaw dropped slightly. "You're going to drink that?" Spitting the words out, she couldn't believe it. She thought he'd at least grab a beer.

"Actually…" Staring at the beverage in his hand, "Yes, I am. I don't feel like alcohol tonight." He admitted, taking a considerably large gulp of water. "I only drink alcohol when I don't want to think, or—"

"Don't want to feel." She finished for him. Gil only nodded as they both made their way back to the couch.

The only lights that were on were the ones that came from the kitchen. They were enough light to illuminate his living room except for the far corners. The room was quiet and the only sounds that were heard were the occasional car horns that people so quickly reached to use.

Gil glanced at the clock, then back to Catherine. Not sure of what to say next, he just stared straight ahead, occasionally glancing her way.

As Catherine quickly finished her fourth drink, she couldn't help but think about Gil. She wasn't sure what to say to him. She wondered what he was thinking about, but didn't have the courage to ask. She was just happy that she was with someone. It didn't matter that the room was silent or that they weren't talking. Just the fact that she knew that if she looked up and Gil, the familiar face that she knew all too well, that'd she'd be ok.

After several minutes went by, Catherine casually got up and headed to the direction of the kitchen. She rinsed her glass out, placed it in the sink and then made her way to the coffee pot where she knew there to be about 2 cups left. She figured it was at least a day old, but she didn't care.

When Catherine returned to Gil's side, he looked up at her suspicious.

"Drinking the last of my coffee I see."

"Yes, I am. I can drink old coffee just as well as the next person. Besides…I figure I'd better start feeling again."

Gil didn't know exactly what that meant and to be honest, neither did Catherine. She just figured she'd better stop before she had a total melt down in front of him.

"May I ask what you mean by that?"

_Damn him_. She thought. _Now I'm going to have to figure out what the hell I mean by that…_

"It means what ever you want it to mean, Gil." She muttered and began to fidget with her hands in her lap.

"Is something wrong, Catherine?" He whispered. Gil's mind was racing. He wasn't sure what to do. Gil wasn't used to asking these kinds of questions. He wasn't the type to comfort other people but—

"No, I'm good. Thanks though."

Ten minutes went by and neither one of them uttered a single word. Gil looked over his shoulder to look out the window and then back to Catherine, when he saw it; a single tear plummeting down her face. It was almost unnoticeable at first, but Gil always picked up on these sorts of things. That's what he does; he watches people's behavior. He loves to observe…observe but never make contact. Making contact was something he hardly ever did unless it was absolutely necessary, but his mind must have changed his opinion, because he felt his hand rise to wipe away her tear that threatened to fall.

This was one of those times when it was necessary.

Catherine, startled at first, reached up to grab his hand. She held onto it for a few moments before speaking.

"I should probably go."

"I'm not letting you drive home." He whispered.

"I'll take a taxi."

"I'm still not letting you go." He said and gripped her hand even tighter to emphasis his point. Gil was unaware that he was rubbing his thumb softly over her hand.

"Gil, I really don't want to talk right now. I'm tired, I just—" Gil held up his other hand to her mouth, lightly brushing his fingers tips over her lips. She instinctively gasped and he immediately pulled his hand away and reluctantly released his other hand from the hold of hers.

"Look, Cath, you don't have to talk to me. Just rest. You can take my bed, ok?" Gil said in his all too worried, sensitive voice. He looked briefly in the direction of his bedroom, then back at Catherine. "I just want to make sure you're safe. I don't want to worry about you all night." Gil thought about what he'd just said and realized that he actually did worry about her. Why was that so hard for him to imagine?

"Gil I can't take your bed. I'll just—"

"Please." He pleaded and raised both of his hands to meet her shoulders. "I can sleep on the couch."

Catherine finally nodded and rose up off the couch. Gil repeated the same action. She was very tired, in fact she hated to admit it but sleeping in Gil's bed sounded good, real good. Not in a sexual way, but in a secure way. Knowing someone was just outside the room if she needed anyone made her feel at peace. When Eddie left, it was for the good but that doesn't mean she liked to be alone.

_Alone is bad, together is good._ She smiled at her last thought and turned to face Gil.

"Thanks, Gil." Quickly, Catherine tilted her head up to kiss him on the cheek. Feeling her lips on his cheek, he went into panic mode. Shifting a bit, he wasn't sure what to do. Looking down at her, her baby blues threatening to rain again, he spoke softly.

"No problem. Just let me change into something more comfortable first, and then it's all yours." He assured her and reached a hand up to her arm. Gil rubbed it briefly, as long as he would allow himself to, and then let go. Turning, Gil walked in the direction of his bedroom.

Catherine sat back down, but used a chair by his table this time, afraid that she might fall asleep if she were to sit back down on the couch. The alcohol was semi worn off. She was in thinking capacity, but still too intoxicated to drive. As she waited for Gil to change, she couldn't help her mind from wondering…

_God, I wonder what he looks like Naked. _And then. _No! God Catherine, get a hold of yourself. He's your friend, probably your best friend, but most importantly, your BOSS!_ …_Does he sleep naked?_

Catherine shook her head to try and rid her brain of _those_ thoughts. She started to look around at the numerous books, pictures, sculptures and of course, bugs that he had in his possession. After a few minutes of that, she was bored and began to wonder who the last person was that stepped foot into his townhouse was.

_Did he ever invite people in? Probably not. _Her mind began to wonder again, taking it a bit further_. Hmm, I wonder who the last woman was that was in here. The last woman he made love to. Does he do it slow? Or is he a quick pace kind of man? Rough?_ She thought about it for a second and then dismissed the idea. _I can't image Gil ever being rough during sex. His touch is so soft…that is, when he touches you._ At this she rolled her eyes. _Why does he have to be such a stubborn ass? Why does he cut himself off from the world? Hell, from his co-workers? I mean, I can understand the privacy…coming off a hard shift at work and not wanting to be bothered, but really._ The more she thought about it, the more she shivered as she began to realize that she too did the same thing. She wasn't as bad as him, but in some ways, many ways, she was the same. She tried to think hard about the last person that was over at her house. A few moments later, she gave up.

Gil slowly made his way to his dresser.

_God what am I going to wear? I never sleep naked, but I don't exactly cover up either! _Gil sighed. _People never sleep over here, what the hell am I supposed to do! _He looked down at his body then back up at his dresser. _I do wear boxers that are just a little bit too short for entertaining someone…especially someone that I work with…and of course with this heat; no shirt necessary, thank you. Ah ha, got it. _Smiling at what he came up with. Pulling out a large LVPD CSI shirt and a pair of dark blue and black flannel pajamas, he decided this was the best thing. _Not glamorous, but comfortable. Comfortable and non-revealing_! He mused.

Looking back at the door to make sure it was closed, Gil slowly slipped out of his shirt.

What a lot of people don't know about him is that he is very self-conscious about what he looks like. Almost embarrassed-like. He always tries to wear somewhat baggy clothes, not so baggy that he'd need to hold his crotch to keep them up, but just the right size. Longer shirts were also his choice of fabric so that his ass didn't hang out when he bent over at a crime scene. And don't forget about his shades. He loves to wear sunglasses. It gave him anonymity about himself; people can't see his eyes, but he can see other peoples, although he never understood why people wore them inside. Occasionally he did, but only for a brief period. After pulling the shirt over his head, he carefully undid his belt, then to his button, zipper and _thud_. His pants slid down to the ground. As fast as he could, he pulled his pajamas on. As he finished up the final touches, he too began to wonder…

_Should I have offered her my bed? What if she thinks I'm hitting on her? Hitting on her? Do people even use that line anymore? God, I'm too old for this shit._

Quickly turning around, Gil made sure the bed was made and that everything was clean. Satisfied he turned back around, opened the door to his bedroom, and walked out to where Catherine was waiting.

He smiled. "Bedroom's all yours, Cath." He spoke confidently as he looked over to her.

_Oh my god, am I flirting with her?_

"Thanks Gil, really. If you can't sleep, let me know and you can kick my ass out. Preferably in a nice way."

"I would never kick you out of here. Remember that Catherine…you're always welcomed here."

_Gil, what are you doing? Flirting, with Catherine? Knock it off! _As he began to think even further into abyss, Catherine spoke up.

"Well goodnight, Gil."

"Goodnight, Catherine." At that, Catherine turned and walked into his bedroom, giving him one last glance over her shoulder before closing the door behind her.

**A/N: How is it so far? Shall I continue? **

**-Snyder-**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**CHAPTER 3:**

As she walked over to Gil's bed, she softly cursed herself.

_Great, now what the hell am I suppose to wear?_

She desperately wanted to get out of her tight clothes she'd been wearing all day. Unlike Gil, Catherine didn't get a chance to shower or change clothes. Letting out a long sigh, she decided the only thing to do was to wear one of Gil's T-shirts.

_Hopefully he won't mind._ She thought to herself. "Or more to the point, hopefully he won't see me in this!" She whispered to herself as she walked over to his dresser. A flash of worry spread across her face at the thought of him walking in but it quickly vanished.

After going through a few drawers, she finally spotted some T-shirts folded neatly inside. Grabbing the first one on the top, she held it up and laughed. The shirt read; 'Do I Look Like A Freakin' People Person?' Catherine had bought that shirt for Gil several years back. She spotted it hanging in the window in one of those Big Dog stores and couldn't resist_. _

_I can't believe he kept it this entire time._ She nodded her head up and down admirably. _This is the perfect one to wear!_

Gil felt a little awkward. He had a woman in his bed and he was stuck out on the couch.

"Figures." He whispered to himself.

He made himself comfortable on the couch as best as he could and decided to read a bit. He wasn't too worried about getting sleep since it was Friday. He knew that he didn't have to work again until Monday morning, unless something came up, which gave him to whole weekend to rest. Grabbing a National Geographic magazine from underneath the coffee table, he began to read an article that he had his eye on for a while.

Gil was a fast reader, so it didn't take him long to get through the twelve page article on insects. After coming to the conclusion that he still wasn't tired, he decided to pick up his book he started reading a couple days ago. With everything that happened this past week, he hasn't had a chance to get through more than a few chapters. Reaching for his book, _3rd Degree_ by James Patterson, he opened the book to where he last left off.

A half-hour later, Gil was quickly reminded why he doesn't wear flannel pajamas in the summer. He was sweating and uncomfortable, but didn't want to go back into his room and wake Catherine just to get a different pair of Pajamas. So he had to improvise. As self-conscious as he was, he quietly sat up and took his shirt off. He immediately let out a breath of air as he felt the fresh, cool air hit his back and chest. Afraid that Catherine might come out and see him like this, he gathered the blanket down by his feet and laid it softly over his chest. Fifteen minutes later, he was fast asleep.

Not having any luck staying asleep, Catherine sat up in Gil's king size bed.

_I wonder if he's asleep. _She briefly contemplated to herself. She thought for sure she'd get a good night sleep, but her dreams…no, no, no, nightmares, her nightmares kept waking her up. Her mind replayed the recent images of the young girl whom her dad had—had…she couldn't even say it. "Her own father." She kept repeating to herself, "Her own fucking father." Tears began to flow down her face again, edging at her jaw line before splashing onto her lap and onto Gil's bed. Shaking her head, she tried to desperately clear her thoughts. She needed someone to talk to about this, to confide in.

Quietly opening the door of the bedroom, she peered out into the living room where Gil was fast asleep. She looked at him and, not seeing a hint of life, careful walked over to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water while contemplating what to do next.

_Thank god I didn't have one of those nightmares where I start screaming in the middle of it. __Only god knows what Gil would say about that. He'd think I'm nuts!_

As she slowly made her way back to the bedroom she immediately took notice of the half naked form lying on the couch. She gasped slightly and exhaled longer than usual as she noticed a shirtless, Gil Grissom. Catherine had never seen Gil without a shirt on before. He was always so careful around other people and never showered or changed at work while other co-workers were around; so seeing his bare chest was a shock to her. Walking over to where he laid on the couch, without a moments hesitation, Catherine grabbed the blanket that had obviously fallen off of him and onto the floor and gently pulled it back up so it was just a few inches bellow his chin. Catherine took a few moments to stare at his face, noting every curve of his face. She smiled and hesitantly turned and walked back into Gil's bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Gently lying back down on the bed, her thoughts drifted back to Gil. Several thoughts coursed through her mind as she drifted back to sleep.

As fast as the townhouse was surrounded by silence, a sharp cry of help and of screaming awoke Gil from his deep sleep. He jolted up, sitting straight up in the couch. Listening he heard nothing. Slowly lying back down, he figured he was just dreaming until a loud, desperate cry of "NO…STOP IT!" Fully awoke him. Quickly jumping up from the couch, he instantly recognized the voice and ran down the hall and into the bedroom. With several different things running through his mind, the only thing he can be sure of is that Catherine needed him. Bursting into the room with his gun that he grabbed from the table in route to the bedroom, he quickly lowered his weapon as he spotted Catherine sleeping with no one around.

Setting his weapon down, he walked over to the side of the bed as she continued to stir and yell random, unintelligible sentences…most of which, Gil couldn't make sense of.

"Cath, honey, wake up." Touching her on the shoulder briefly while he bent down, hovering over her. With no response, he raised his voice and grabbed both of her shoulders, forcefully, desperately trying to wake her up.

This tactic backfired.

"Get the hell away from us!" Catherine shrieked and immediately swung her arms around, nailing Gil right in the face. This was definitely not something Gil had expected and it caught him off guard as the hit sent him falling backwards and landing hard on his butt, but not before hitting the nightstand next to the head of the bed.

Catherine immediately woke up after hearing an "Oomph" come out of Gil's mouth. Shocked by what happened and a little dazed Gil just sat there frozen in place, not sure what to do. By this time, the room was spinning after the contact with the nightstand and Catherine's fist hitting his mouth.

Catherine looked around the room and then spotted Gil sitting on the floor. Her eyes immediately softened.

"Oh my god, Gil, are you alright?" Catherine spoke softly, sitting up in the bed. She yieldingly reached down to grab his hands.

"Ugh, yeah, I'm fine. I heard you screaming…it woke me up. I—" He stammered to find the words. He still didn't know what the hell happened, it happened so fast.

"I'm sorry Gil, I didn't mean to wake you…or shove you backwards or hit…" She paused. "Oh my god, I hit you didn't I?" She gasped and looked down at her sore, red knuckles.

"Yes, you did, but look on the bright side…you didn't shove me." He said with a sly smile present. "It's no big deal though, really. Are you ok?" Touching the back of his head lightly; then repeating the same action with his lip.

"I was having a nightmare…and like hitting you is any better! Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. A nightmare, huh? Must have been one hell of a nightmare!"

"God, Gil, I'm so sorry. I was…well, obviously having a nightmare, it's not going to hurt me."

"Yeah but it might hurt me!" Sighing, Gil got up with the help of Catherine and sat on the edge of the bed. Catherine was still under the covers.

"Let me see that." She whispered as hurt piercing through Gil's ears. "Gil, you're bleeding." She spoke roughly. She hadn't noticed the blood before because he was in the shadows on the floor.

"Of course I'm bleeding, you punched me! What do you expect? I just need to take some of my migraine medicine before my headache escalades." Gil murmurs.

He stood up as best as he could from the bed and slowly made his was over to the bathroom. Opening his medicine cabinet, he quickly grabbed his medicine. Slightly swaying, staggering back and forth, Gil was doing all he could to keep his balance. Walking back to the edge of the bed where Catherine sat, he briefly looked in the mirror as he passed by. Doing a double take, he instantly froze. For the first time since he went back into the bedroom, he realized that he never put his shirt back on. His cheeks were instantly red, matching the shade of a freshly picked, red apple. Not sure of what to do, his instincts kicked into overdrive and he immediately opened his dresser drawer and grabbed another shirt.

"You don't need to do that." She exclaimed, as she studied him. She knew what he was doing.

"Do what?" He nonchalantly asked as he grabbed the first shirt on the top.

"You know what. Now come back over here and let me look at you. You might have a concussion and I'm sure you'll have a fatty lip in the morning."

"I can't imagine why." Gil said half a smile present. Catherine on the other hand had guilt etched on her face. Slowly walking back over to her, shirt in hand, he collapsed down on the edge of the bed. He could see her tears building back up into those beautiful eyes again. "Please don't cry. Whatever the reason may be, we can get through this."

"Let me get you a glass of water so you can take your medicine." Catherine whispered and began to stand up.

Before she had still been partially under the covers, but as she got up to get a glass of water for him, he saw the shirt she was wearing. His shirt. It was the one she had bought for him several years back. It actually made a smile appear on his face, but that quickly diminished as his eyes drifted down to her lower body. Gil saw no pajama pants to follow the shirt; her underwear was the only thing present. By this time, Gil's eyes were as wide as could be, jaw dropped.

The shirt hung down to about the tip of her underwear, just covering her buttocks. Of course when she walked, it swayed back and forth so that Gil could see everything; everything being her underwear. Gil wasn't sure what to do. Quickly, he put the shirt on that he grabbed as Catherine made her way back into the room, glass in hand.

As Gil swallowed the pill, he started to stand up only to fall backwards onto the bed.

"Gil! Are you alright?" Catherine asked.

"Ugh, yeah. Just feel a bit dizzy."

"How hard did you hit your head? "

"Um, hard enough obviously." Gil murmured and closed his eyes harshly.

"Where's your medical kit?"

"Why?" Gil asked confused. He slowly opened his eyes to be greeted with a spinning room.

"So I can at least clean your lip up. It looks like hell."

"Thanks." He growled. "It's over there in the corner of the closet." He said, pointing in the direction of the closet.

Seconds later, she came back with the necessary supplies in hand. She cleaned Gil's cut up as best as she could and then stroked the side of his face. Gil just sat there and looked at her.

"Here…" She said, letting her hand fall from his face. She reached for the covers and pulled the corner back for him. "Lay down."

"No, I'm fine Catherine, really. Besides, I said you could sleep here."

"We can share the damn bed! Gil, I don't care about that. I just want to make sure you're ok. You hit your head hard, and even though you have a 'hard head,' you still need to rest. The punch in the face before the blunt force trauma to the back of the head didn't help either."

"Yeah." Pause. "I hit my head hard, but really, Catherine, I'm Fine—"

"Gil, for once in your life would you just shut up and let somebody help you?" She hissed. At that she walked out of the room briefly and returned a minute later with two ice packs. "Here, these will help with the swelling."

"Thanks Dr. Catherine, but I think I can figure it out."

Gil slowly lied down on the bed. Once he lied down completely, Catherine pulled the covers over him and walked around onto the other side of the bed. Gil followed every move she made.

"Look, Gil, I know you're uncomfortable with another person using your bed, let alone someone else being in bed with you while you're actually in it, but I'm not leaving you alone right now until I make sure you're ok. Got it?" She exclaimed, hands on hips and order in her voice.

"Thanks, Catherine." Gil said. He then closed his eyes, too tired to say anything more.

Catherine was definitely shocked. He didn't even argue with her.

_He must really have a bad head ache if he is that willing to stay in the same bed with me._

**A/N: Ok, so the "Do I Look Like A Freakin' People Person" actually is from the store Big Dogs. I'm sure some of you have heard of this. I bought a dog collar for one of my dogs there and all around the color, it says that. Kind of reminded me of Gil, so I HAD to use it!**

**-Snyder-**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER 4:**

Satisfied that Gil was comfortable, Catherine sat down on the bed only to quickly rise once more. Striding towards the light switch, she flicked the switch off and then slowly made her way back to the bed.

_Thank god for those black-out blinds he has…otherwise the sun would be shinning right into the room in the morning._

Slowly lying down, making sure she didn't cause too much jumble of the bed, Catherine was debating what to say to Gil. Thinking of nothing important to speak of, she decided to keep her mouth shut and enjoy the silence.

Fifteen minutes later she felt the bed shake slightly and then heard Gil get up and slowly walk out of the room; bouncing against the hallway walls as he went. She sat up briefly and figured he was going back out on the couch. She was about to get up and go get him when she heard him walk back into the room and slide back into bed.

"Where did you go?" She asked.

"To put the ice-pack away. Why, did you miss me?" He said in a sarcastic tone.

_God, he must've really hit his head hard._

"Not really, but you know I could have put it away for you."

"Yeah, but I _do_ have two legs, Cath. I think I can manage." He said and let out a sigh. He was definitely tired and just wanted to fall back asleep.

"Yes, but you're still dizzy. So how do you feel?"

"How do you know I'm still dizzy? And I fell better, thanks. This medicine is golden. I do have a big bump on my head though and I can feel my lip swelling up as we speak, but I think I'll live."

She chuckled a bit and then spoke up, "Because I could _hear_ you running into things as you made your way down the hallway and into the kitchen." Pausing she added, "And I could hear you running into things on the way back in here as well." She softly laughed. "Which clearly means that you're dizzy or…drunk." She chuckled. "But that's good at least…not about the bump or the swollen lip, but that you're feeling better. I'm really sorry about that Gil."

"It's fine Catherine, really. Worse things have happened to me and will continue to happen to me. It's not the end of the world."

"Ok. So…" Long Pause. "Are you going to sleep here then? You know, Gil, I'm sober now. I _can_ drive home."

Turning onto his right side, Gil stared at her for a moment before speaking. By this time, both Catherine and Gil's eyes had adjusted to the darkness.

"I thought you were going to look after me tonight? Do you want to leave?" He asked softly. His voice was steady but he was practically pleading with her to stay.

"Honestly? No, I don't. I don't want to go home to an empty house. I don't want to be alone. I'm sick of being alone." Her eyes began to water and Gil could tell by the tone of her voice that she was about to cry again.

"You don't have to leave. Stay here with me." He said in the most delicate tone he could possibly utter. Gil took a chance and placed his left hand on her arm and rubbed back and forth. After a few moments, he stopped at her hand and held onto it as if it was his last lifeline.

Catherine was a little stunned by his sudden boldness but didn't shy away from him. She squeezed his hand quickly and didn't let go. For some reason this felt right, for both of them. After going through a long and tiresome shift and now a long night, Catherine and Gil were positively exhausted. They both fell asleep, hand in hand letting all emotions flood out of them.

As the Saturday morning sun rose, the black-out curtains helped keep the sun out but still illuminated certain parts of the room that came through minor cracks.

Catherine wasn't used to sleeping with anyone so it was no surprise when she rolled onto her left side and slung her right arm over a hump in the bed; stretching out, she never thought twice about it as she drifted back to sleep. As the morning went on, Gil and Catherine slowly became closer and closer until they were right next to each other; cuddled up as if they had been lovers since high school. That is, until Gil rolled over a little too far, rolling part way onto Catherine. With Catherine's arm still around Gil's stomach, she made a slight grunting sound that sent a signal to Gil's brain which abruptly woke him up.

"Oh god, um sorry, Catherine." He said embarrassed. "I forgot you were in here, sleeping in my um, bed. Sorry." Gil said and awkwardly rolled off of her and scooted back over to his side of the bed. Catherine scooted back over to her side as well.

"It's ok, Gil. Sorry about my arm. Kind of in the way, eh? I usually sprawl out in my bed, using every inch of it. Not used to actually having someone next to me." After a long pause, Catherine smiled and said, "Actually kind of nice."

Gil's eyes shot open in the direction of her voice after hearing her last statement. Sighing, Gil had to admit that she was right. It was nice to have someone to wake up next to; there was no denying that.

"Yeah, it is nice."

"So, can we go back to sleep, because I'm tired and it's the weekend. This is my only chance to sleep in."

"Sounds good to me." Gil answered back, melting back into the bed and shutting his eyes. Just as he shut his eyes, he felt a head on his shoulder and his eyes immediately shot back open looking directly to his right shoulder at the head on top of him. Catherine looked up at him when she felt his eyes staring at her; her beautiful eyes staring right into the heart and soul of his.

"Sorry, do you mind? I just want, I don't know…" Stumbling on the words she wanted to say. "I just want to feel close to someone. Know what I mean?" Shaking her head and lifting it off Gils shoulder, she placed her head slowly back on her pillow. "And I know that the moment I shut my eyes, you'll be high-tailing your ass out of here." After a long pause, she sighed. "Of course you mind, you don't like to be touched—"

"It's all right, Cath, really. And I wouldn't dream of leaving you." At that, Gil lifted his right arm to allow Catherine better access of his shoulder and chest.

Catherine willingly accepted his invitation and nuzzled into the side of him, head partially on his shoulder and partially on his chest. She was debating whether or not to sling her right arm over his stomach, but decided against it.

Several hours later, Catherine woke up, refreshed and recharged. Catherine laid in bed for several minutes thinking about nothing in particular until she thought of her daughter. She figured she'd better call her mother to let her know where she was and possibly see if her mother could watch Lindsey for another night.

She hoped anyways.

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry this chapter is so short. I'm having some issues! I'm still making some changes…not sure where to go. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them. I guess I better keep posting chapters to let you know what I have so far. Thanks! **

**-Snyder-**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER 5:**

Lazily sitting up, Catherine swung her legs off the side of the bed, lethargically stretched, and then planted both feet on the ground and stood upright. Looking back to examine Gil, whom was lying on his left side facing away from her, she instantly spotted the bump that began to form on his head. His lip was a different story…it looked horrible.

_He's going to kill me._

She considered waking him up, but decided against it. Slowly, she walked out of the room and into the kitchen to grab the phone, careful not to disturb him.

After talking to her mother and Lindsey, she felt relieved that it was one less thing she had to worry about.

_Now what to do…_

Picking up a few knick-knacks of his, mostly to do with bugs, she quietly paced back and forth. After a few minutes of pacing, she opted for the couch instead, plopping harshly onto it and lying down. She wasn't sure what to do next or for that matter, what was going to happen next, but she did know that she did not want to leave Gil's 'townhouse' as he called it. She felt safe last night as awkward as that sounds. Sure, she had several nightmares at times of despair, but who doesn't after a case like that. It just hit too close to home and whether Gil knew it or not, Catherine needed him. She needed a friend last night and Gil Grissom was it.

Gil all the while had been standing in the door way the whole time. He was watching her, her every move and twitch as she continued to pace back and forth. He also saw her when she plopped down on the couch and lied down. He could only wonder what she was thinking about.

_If only I could take her pain, her doubt, and all of her misery away._

"How long have you been standing there?" Catherine spoke softly, sitting up on the couch. He clearly didn't hear her so she screamed, "Gilbert!"

"Oh, sorry. What?" Gil said, taken aback by her screaming his name, his real name of all things. It was very rare for her to ever use it. It was usually just Gil or even Grissom at times; so after having called him that, he had a strange look on his face as he tilted his head to one side to look at her.

"How long have you been standing there?" She repeated as she continued to examine him. He had changed out of his pajama's which were now replaced with jeans and a different shirt.

"Oh, um, only a few minutes. Why?" He said, striding over to the couch and settling down on it, next to her feet.

"Just curious. So, why?"

"Why…?" His eyes instantly raised, unsure of what she meant.

"Yeah, like _why_ were you standing there?" She said and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, just watching you. You know you think out loud. I can always tell when you have something on your mind. So what _is_ on your mind this morning?" She sighed and shifted her legs to bring her left one up so that she was sitting on it.

"Um, not much. Just called my mother and Lindsey to make sure they're alright. That's about it here…what about yourself?"

"And…?" Now it was his turn to confuse her.

"And what?

"And how are they?"

"You're avoiding my question, Gil."

"As are you, Catherine."

Catherine shook her head slightly. What a pain in the ass he was sometimes. It was amazing the kind of conversations Gil and her had. It's enough to make a sane person go nuts, but not her. No, no, no, not her and Gil. It was just them, it was how they communicated and whatever it was called, it worked for them.

"They're doing fine." She slowly answered. "Wondered where I was, but other then that…"

"You didn't tell them you were over here?" He exerted, rubbing the back of his head.

"Well, I did…sort of. I just didn't tell them that I'd be staying here over night. Not something I had planned." Gil nodded. He sure in the hell didn't plan any of this either. It just sort of happened. "So…"

"So, what?" Slightly confused yet again.

"Wow, what kind of intelligent conversation are we carrying on this morning?" Gil turned fully towards her at that. "Gil, I asked you how you're doing, remember? And as usual, you were and are stalling."

"I am not! I just don't know what to say. What do you want me to say? I'm doing great! Is that better?" Plopping his feet up on the coffee table.

Catherine rolled her eyes and repeated the same actions as Gil, but with a little more force.

"Hmm, it may just be me, but that sounded a bit sarcastic. I was generally speaking about your head and your face." She couldn't help but laugh at the last part. "I mean besides you being insane, how's your head?"

"I have a head ache." Was all he said. Simple and yet it hurt Catherine. It hurt her because she knew she was the cause of the pain.

"I'm sorry. Want me to look at it? Maybe you should go to the doctors?"

"Catherine, it's just a bump on the head and a cut on the lip. I'll live."

"Yeah, but seriously, Gil, your lip looks like hell. Have you even seen it?"

"Well, not that I'm much for staring at myself in the mirror all day, but I did happen to glance at it in the mirror while I brushed my teeth this morning."

"And…"

"And it's a fatty lip. Although I must say that it is going to ruin my GQ 'look' for a week, if not more." He smirked. "But what do you expect? You do have one hell of a right hook…and left. I'd hate to have to be up against you in a fight, slugger." Gil revealed as he turned to look at her. He immediately frowned when he looked into her eyes. He sensed the hurt she had etched onto her features. Gil lifted his right hand up to her chin up and carefully lifted her head so that they were eye level with each other. "I'm fine Catherine. It's not your fault, ok?" He said, feeling horrible that he was joking around about it. He didn't realize that she was so sensitive_. _

_Something has to be bothering her. _He thought to himself. _Otherwise she'd be laughing right along with me about this._

"Sure Gil." She spoke softly with many emotions present.

Gil began to release his hand from her chin when she turned and grasped onto him as if he was her last hope. Gil froze for a moment, but then quickly recovered and snapped back to reality. He boldly wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back while whispering soft reassuring remarks into her ear.

After a few minutes, he slowly pulled back from her and looked directly at her face; her eyes now red and swollen with tears still covering her cheeks. With his thumb, Gil gently wiped the tears that were falling from her cheek and slowly began to speak.

"Catherine, what is it? What's wrong? And please don't say 'nothing,' because something's been on your mind since you've been here."

Catherine of course knew what was wrong, but she didn't know why it was affecting her this much. After the case, she was so afraid of what _could_ have happened, what would have happened if Eddie were to have tried something utterly sick like that to Lindsey. She just couldn't get her mind off the case. She was lonely and needed a friend, desperately. Usually she was ok about the whole concept of being alone; she would go out on a date every once in a while, but nothing became of it. This time however, things were different. She couldn't pinpoint what it was, but after spending the night with Gil she didn't want to leave his side. She knew that if she were to go home, she'd end up in bed, weeping all night. Perhaps, Lindsey would come in and rescue her, comfort her like she has time and time again, but Catherine knew that it was not fair to her. It's not fair for her own daughter to have to go through that. She's supposed to be strong for her daughter, not weak.

"It's nothing, really. I'm sorry. I should go. I've been here long enough. It's the weekend and you need some time to yourself to get some R & R…not baby-sit a pain in the ass co-worker with emotional problems." She exclaimed, all the while regretting every word she had just spoken.

_Please stop me, Gil. Don't let me go. Hold onto me and never let go. _She kept thinking over and over again.

"Catherine you know I'm not going to let you leave. Something's wrong and you need to talk about. If you have someone better to talk to than me, I understand. I know I'm not the best person to talk to and under the circumstances—" Gil was abruptly cut off when Catherine placed a single finger over his lips.

"Gil, I trust you." She murmured. The only emotions shown were honestly and truth which was bleeding from her heart at the moment. She knew it was all she needed to say, but she continued non-the-less. "It's just that I don't know how to say it, how to talk about my problems. I never talk about my problems…I'm sure you know where I'm coming from." Gil only nodded which urged her to continue. Sighing and wiping away a few more tears that threatened to fall, she continued. "I can't stop thinking about Lindsey…"

"What's wrong with Lindsey?" Gil exclaimed, as his level of panic started to rise.

"Nothing's wrong with her, Gil, don't you see? It's the case…it's gotten to me." Finally everything made sense to Gil and all the pieces fell into place. He knew where she was coming from. "What if…" Long pause. "What if it was Lindsey that went through what this little girl had gone through? What if Eddie had done this same thing to her? Or for that matter, what if any of the slime balls I've dated in the past did the same to her?" She couldn't control herself anymore. She began to shake and her hands terribly trembled as the tears began to flow once again.

"Catherine, honey, as much of a fucking prick Eddie is, he'd never do that to Lindsey—and if he ever tried anything he wouldn't live to see the next day! I'd damn well make sure of that. If he ever hurt Lindsey or you, he'd be dead!"

Catherine could see Gils eyes glaze over with hate; hate not only for Eddie, but for anyone that would manhandle Lindsey or her. Of course she knew what he meant by, 'he'd be dead!' She knew that Gil would protect her from him if she ever needed him. She remembered the incident in the hallway at the lab when Eddie showed up…Gil protected her then and would always and forever protect not just her, but Lindsey as well. She just didn't realize how much he cared and how far he would go to protect them both until now.

Swallowing hard, she spoke softly. "He's hurt me before, it's nothing new…I'm immune to it by now. I swear that's the kind of relationship I'm destined for…guys throwing me around, hitting me, taking advantage of me, the usual—"

Gild shook his head. "Catherine, don't you ever say anything like that! No human being deserves to be treated that way." Gil stopped to think for a moment, to contemplate his next sentence carefully. "And if he ever lays a hand on you again, please come to me, ok? It doesn't matter what time a day it is." It scared Gil to hear Catherine say those things. She'd always been so strong and for her to give up so easily worried him.

"Sure Gil, but it's not your problem. I can handle—"

"Yes, Catherine, it _is _my problem. You're my best friend and I would never let anything happen to you, you got that?" Gil's blood pressure continued to rise and he could feel it. He was beginning to become upset at the thought of someone laying a hand on Catherine.

Catherine was stunned by his boldness and only nodded. She'd never heard Gil open up as he has in the past 10 minutes.

_I guess we're both opening up more._

"Gil, I'm scared. I'm scared of being treated like shit, but even more so, I'm scared of my daughter being around that—that kind of lifestyle." She reached for him again, still trembling, and hugged him. "Please don't let go…hold me."

Gil opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He did the only thing he knew to do…he held onto her tight. He wouldn't let go until she pulled away first.

Still on the couch in an awkward position, he backed up against the back of the couch, turned sideways and leaned back pulling her with him. And there they were, him lying on the couch on his back with Catherine curled up on top of him. Her face buried in his chest and she loved the way he smelled. It felt so right to him and to her. He couldn't figure out why it took them so long to get this close. He figured this wouldn't go any further than improving their friendship, but he didn't care. He just wanted to be caught up in this moment.

**A/N: So…I'm sure there are some people out there that don't know what R & R means, so I figured I better make a little note. It stands for Rest & Relaxation.  
Anyways, how do you like it so far? **

**-Snyder-**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**CHAPTER 6:**

Gil and Catherine fell asleep that way, one on top of the other, for a little over an hour. Catherine was the first to stir as she slowly opened her eyes. She slightly lifting her head at first, unaware of where she was or whom she was lying on top of, but that soon passed as everything became clear again, flooding back into her body all at once. She glanced down at the motionless figure beneath her and smirked. Warmth filling her heart—her whole body as she felt Gil's arm still slung over the small of her back.

Catherine pondered for a moment the occurrences that had taken place the past day. Looking back down, she saw that Gil was starting to wake up. She boldly raised her right hand and stroked the side of Gil's right cheek with the back of her hand. Her soft touch startled him and his eyes propelled open to see the form that was lying on top of him. Immediately after registering who the source of the touch was, he closed his eyes again and subconsciously leaned into her touch. Catherine of course took note of this and continued to affectionately stroke his cheek. Her other hand moved up to his lip and softly caressed his cut.

"Thank you, Gil. Thank you for everything."

"Your welcome, Cath, but you don't need to thank me." He admitted and slowly opened his eyes. "You know I'd do anything for you." Catherine smiled and pressed her head back on Gil's chest, only to remove it once more.

"I'm sorry. I should probably get off of you so you can stretch and get some feeling back in your body."

"Yeah, probably a good idea."

Hesitantly, Gil sat up and released his arm that held onto Catherine as she crawled off of him to stand up. The immediate loss of physical contact was expressed on both Gil and Catherine's faces.

"So, breakfast?" Gil asked and stood up to stretch.

Catherine looked over at the clock, then back at Gil. "It's noon…do you always eat breakfast this late?"

"No. I usually don't eat breakfast. So, what would you like?"

"Are you going to cook? Oh this should be good."

"Catherine, I can cook you know. I actually enjoy cooking…I just usually don't have any guests to cook for. So what would you like?"

"Well that's a damn shame." She chuckled. "Whatever, anything's fine with me."

"Bacon and eggs ok?" Gil asked over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen.

"Sounds good. Thanks." Catherine said and followed Gil into the kitchen.

After Gil and Catherine finished there breakfast, they walked back over to the couch and sat down. Once again, the awkward silence spread throughout the townhouse. So much had happened in the past 24 hours that they weren't sure where to start.

"So, do you have any plans for today?" Catherine asked.

Gil looked up at Catherine and shook his head.

"Nope, what ya see is what ya get."

"So basically you plan to sit at home all day and what, read about bugs?"

"Yeah, how did you know?" He smirked.

"Wasn't hard to guess." She said while she rolled her eyes. "So, I guess I better leave and let you get started on your adventurous weekend. Thanks again, Gil."

"You don't have to leave unless you want to."

"I think I better. I've done enough damage for a weekend." She remarked and raised her hand up to barely touch his lip. "Besides, I should probably make my presence known at home."

"Catherine, you know I _am_ fine." Gil muttered and softly closed his eyes, desperately wishing for her to continue to caress his sore lip.

"I know." Slowly, she let her fingers slip off his lip. "I better go change into my clothes. I'll be right back."

Minutes later she came out of his room dressed with her coat in hand.

"Well, thanks again, Gil..." She said and started to walk towards the door, only to halt in her tracks. "And for god's sake, don't forget to ice your lip and head again."

"No problem Catherine. Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me? For hitting you? Or for making last night a living hell for you?"

"Catherine, you know that's not what I meant. I was thanking you for keeping me company last night. If you need anything don't hesitate to call or come over, ok?"

Catherine nodded and walked up to Gil and hugged him. The hug lasted longer than it probably should have, but they didn't care. Several seconds later, Catherine pulled away from him, gave his arm a tight squeeze and then turned and walked out the door.

**A/N: Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! **

**-Snyder-**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything! This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**CHAPTER: 7**

Several hours went by since Catherine had left his place. Gil made a large dent in the book he'd been reading and decided to watch a little TV. Without hesitation, Gil turned to the sports channel, where he knew there to be a baseball game on.

After the game ended, Gil felt his headache coming on strong again and instantly stood up and walked into his bedroom to take a pain pill that his doctor prescribed for him if the pain ever became too intense. He was starting to become dizzy again right as he reached for his pills. After swallowing the pill, he slithered to his bed and plopped down on it with a slight groan. He slowly crawled under the covers and laid down on _his_ side of the bed. Not 15 minutes later, he was out cold.

Once again, he awoke to a loud sound frightening him awake.

_Twice in two nights._ He thought to himself. _This can't be good._

At first he thought he'd just imagined the sound, like last time, but after hearing it again he quickly rose from his bed. Standing up only half awake still, he heard someone pounding on his door and then a voice. He looked at the clock which read 10:13 PM and without delay, Gil hurried towards the door knowing full-well whose voice it was on the other side. As urgently as possible, he swung the door open with more force than necessary. Standing in front of him was none other than a distraught Catherine Willows.

"Catherine, what's wrong?"

Catherine said nothing as she walked into his place and straight into his arms. Her hands desperately clasped onto his shirt.

"I tried to call you, but you didn't answer."

"I'm sorry, Catherine, I was sleeping. I didn't hear my phone. I took my pain medication for my headache and it knocked me out cold." He verbalized as he secured Catherine as tight as he could against his body.

"I can't take this anymore." Her face was flat against Gil's chest.

"Can't take what, sweetheart?" Gil whispered softly while pulling away from her slightly and brushing a strand of her hair aside.

"This job, Gil. I can't do it anymore!"

"Shh, shh, come on." Letting go of her with one hand to shut the door and lock it, Gil turned and walked over to the couch. As soon as they sat down, Gil looked deep into Catherine's eyes. "Talk to me, Cath. Please."

"I can't take it. All the cases that we deal with, it's just too much. How do you do it? How do you keep your cool?"

"I don't know, Cath. I guess I'm just used to it. Nothing shocks me anymore, as terrible as it sounds. It's not healthy, I know, but it gets me through the day…hell, it's what allows me to keep doing this job."

"If nothing shocks you anymore…then…" Catherine paused for a moment. "Then doesn't that alone scare you?"

"It did, but this job is a part of me. It's who I've become. Some people are cut out for it and can handle it and others can't. I'm not saying it's healthy to handle it, but I'm also not saying that it's healthy to work as a CSI and not be able to deal with your emotions. There has to be a balance somewhere along the lines. You need to deal with this. If it's too much, then maybe the best answer _is_ to quit. Do you know what I mean?"

Catherine nodded.

"I went home to try to get some sleep. I talked to my mother and told her what was going on and she said she'd watch Lindsey for the rest of the weekend. So I tried to sleep, but I kept having nightmares."

"About you and Lindsey? Cath, no ones going to hurt you, I promise. Not you or Lindsey, ok?"

"How do you know that, Gil? You can't always be around." She exclaimed. "You can't examine every boyfriend I may or may not have, give him the once over and conclude whether or not he's a potential threat."

"You're right, I can't…but I'm here now." Gil expressed and pulled her to him once more.

"Have you eaten at all?" Gil asked, noticing how weak and ragged she looked.

Catherine shook her head, hardly even noticeable.

"Not since you cooked for me this afternoon. I've been—"

"At home crying, haven't you?" Gil sighed and kissed her forehead. "I told you not to leave."

"I know Gil, but I didn't want to burden you anymore than I already have…and now look at me!"

"It's ok, Catherine. I told you you can come over here anytime, didn't I? Now let's order some food because I'm starving and I'm sure you are as well. Ok?" Catherine only indication that she heard him was by slightly nodding her head. "Is Chinese ok or do you have something in mind?

"Chinese is fine…thanks Gil."

Gil stood up and walked to the kitchen to get the number of the Chinese take-out. He quickly grabbed the phone and returned to Catherine's side. Gil ordered several different things on the menu, then hung up and directed his attention back to Catherine.

"I'm sorry, Gil. Really. I know this is out of character for me—"

"Yes, it is…and that scares the hell out of me. I've never seen you like this before." Gil disclosed. Carefully he tilted his head to one side to get a better look at her face.

"I know, I'm sorry—"

"Stop apologizing, Catherine."

"I just…I just don't want to be alone. I didn't want to bring Lindsey into this and now I'm bringing you into it. I just don't know what to do. I love my job, but sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it."

"It's ok, Catherine, really. I know what its like to need someone to talk to or just to be with someone. Its hell being alone at times when it's the farthest thing you want. As for this job, well that's something you have to decide for yourself…I can't answer that question for you. No one can."

Catherine all of a sudden had a wave of pain wash over her as her mind drifted out after Gil mentioned the fact that, at times, he didn't want to be alone either. She felt like someone had just stabbed her in the gut. She was now aching, bleeding inside for this man. She quickly forgot about her problems.

Why hasn't she ever been there for, Gil? Well, she had been there a lot for him, but obviously not enough.

_Why won't he ever come to me when he's hurting? What are these times he's talking about? Was he that depressed that he needed someone around? When Gil's upset, he hates when people are around…that's the last thing he wants…usually._

Catherine couldn't stop thinking about all the possible things that Gil could've been talking about as well as when and why he was lonely.

"Catherine, what is it?" Gil questioned. She looked as though she was miles away.

Catherine sighed and wondered how to ask him. She figured it wasn't that big of a deal, but she just wanted to clear things up. She just didn't know where to start.

"So, why didn't you come to me when you needed to be around someone?"

Gill immediately looked up at the ceiling to avoid eye contact with her.

_Why didn't I go to Catherine for support, for comfort? Oh wait, I remember! Because she has her own problems to worry about…I don't need to burden her with my own. _

He knew what he wanted to say, but it just never came out the right way. He was used to being alone. He'd even go as far as saying that he chose this lifestyle of being secluded, because he had. Loneliness is an option, a choice and its one that he's made. There's always positive and negatives to it and unfortunately, Catherine had just discovered one of the negative aspects of it.

"I'm typically a private person and I didn't want to burden you or anyone for that matter. It's not your problem to worry about. Like I said, after a while you learn to deal with it yourself. You cope with it and then after a while, you don't even think about it anymore. It's almost like a routine." He sighed and hung his head down. He knew it was a pathetic excuse but it was true.

"Are you kidding me? Have I not been over here the past day burdening you?" She didn't wait for a response as she continued. "Jesus, Gil. If you need someone to talk to, you knew I'd be there for you. Just like you've been here for me all weekend! What terrifies me is when you said that you actually _wanted _someone around. Usually you like to be left alone…which I can only conclude by that is that you were scared and needed someone to comfort you? Were you scared, Gil?"

Gil shrugged his shoulders. He knew that if he lied to her, she'd see right through him, so it was no point.

"Who hasn't been?" It was short, sweet and to the point.

"Of what? A work related incident like me?"

"Sure, I guess, but my problems aren't the main concern right—"

"Gil…" Catherine interrupted him and placed her hand on his arm. "Please talk to me." She pleaded. "Besides, it'll take my mind off of my own fucking problems."

Sighing, Gil reluctantly spoke.

"Remember Paul Millander?" Hearing those words, it all hit Catherine like a ton of bricks.

_Of course!_ She thought._ The case where there was always a suicide note left behind, but instead of it being a note, the victim recorded his own suicide note on a tape recorder. In each case, the victim was lying in a bath tub, shot once in the chest._

Looking back down to the floor, Catherine's eyes shot back up as she remembered something. Gil's birthday, Paul Millander was going in order…Gil's birthday is August 17, 1956 which was the killers next targets birthday.

"Yes, I do. I remember that case as if it were yesterday. His next target was _your_ birthday. It _did_ bother you, didn't it? You said it didn't, but you were worried about it, weren't you?" Gil looked deep into her eyes and she could see the pain that was fixed there.

"Yeah, it did. Every now and then there's a case that sneaks by and gets under my skin. There was nothing I could do though. It was just another case, another day. Besides, you were doing enough worrying for both of us. You know what the weird thing about it was?" Catherine shook her head. "…I wasn't scared of Millander until after he was dead. I had nightmares for weeks after about him. I kept—" He swallowed hard. "I keep having nightmares that I wake up in bed and he's hovering over me. God, do you know how bad I desperately wished for someone to be by my side during some of my worst nights? I still have nightmares about it which is…frightening. I thought they would go away by now…" He blinked. "…I never know what to expect. It's so bad at times that I can't sleep. Sometimes I'm too terror-stricken to even try to sleep." Gil held his head down in shame. He was a man, a supervisor. He's not supposed to be a wimp like this. Gil Grissom does not show _any_ feelings.

"You weren't scared of him until he was dead? Why didn't you say anything? Gil, why didn't you tell me? I would've come over and stayed with you, kept you company, invited you over to my place…anything! Gil, it's only been about a month since that case, it'll take a while."

"Yeah, I don't know why I have nightmares about it _after_ he's dead. Not one before. Why didn't I say anything? Because…I can't explain it. You know, it's really hard to keep your cool when inside you're filled with panic. Besides…" Long pause. "I'd look weak." Gil whispered the last words.

"What, because you're the 'leader of the pack' you can't be scared? What, because you're a man?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Gil, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Just because you're supervisor and a man, doesn't mean you can't have feelings or emotion. If a freak like that were after me, I'd be scared as hell. Look at me now?" Sighing heavily, she looked deep into his eyes. She felt as though she was submersed in all the shame he was holding in. It was enough to tear her heart out. "Next time, please come and talk to me right away. It doesn't have to be a public matter you know."

Gil nodded.

"You know another thing that scared me ever more?" Gil said in a raspy voice.

"What?" Catherine asked, surprised he was going to share more.

**A/N: What an ending, eh? Not an ending to the story…just my stopping point to this chapter. Ha Ha Ha! I'm going to start working on the next chapter right now since I'm waiting for an "event," actually, an orientation to start at 4:30 PM, so I have about a half an hour more to burn. Thanks and remember, R&R! -Snyder-**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**CHAPTER 8:**

"Remember the next case we had?"

Catherine sat back, trying to remember which one it was.

"Not sure, want to enlighten me since you seem to remember each and every case." Catherine said, trying to think of another instance where Gil could've been threatened.

"The kidnapping incident, remember?" Gil began to fidget with his hands, wishing he'd never mentioned it.

Catherine eyed him for a bit and then it hit her. Smiling she spoke, "Oh yes, the finger I gave to Sara in the restaurant. God, I wish I could've turned around to see the look on her face! Wait, why'd that case scare you? You were safe and sound back at the lab."

Gil shook his head and attempted to explain it to Catherine.

"It wasn't my safety I was concerned about…" Gil drifted off, once again regretting he ever brought the subject up.

Catherine's eyes widened. She knew immediately who and what he was talking about.

"Gil, I was perfectly safe. I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Catherine, you have no idea how worried I was! Even after I knew you were safe, I still couldn't sleep. The aftermath of that was enough to make me go insane! And then the Millander case, which followed right after, was the icing on the cake." Gil's voice started to shake. He briefly sighed and took a deep breath before continuing. "You mean a lot to me, Cath. You're my best friend and if anything were to happen to you, I'd be lost. Like you always tell me, you're my left and my right hand."

Catherine just stared at him in disbelief. Sighing and leaning deeper into the couch, head in Gil's left shoulder, she spoke softly.

"I'm here now, Gil, and I'm not leaving you nor are you leaving me, ok?"

"Deal." Gil exclaimed and tilted his head onto Catherine's.

A few minutes went by. Neither one of them moving nor uttering a single sound. Once again, they were enjoying each others company. It seemed to be a regular, natural occurrence with them lately. Like it was an everyday thing, but they both knew it was far from the truth.

Catherine finally broke the silence a few minutes later.

"Gil, I never knew you worried so much about cases. God knows you hardly ever show emotion—at least not in front of people. I wish you would come and talk to me. Hell, anyone! It doesn't have to be me, but you know I will always make time for you and I'm always here for you."

Gil tensed up at her statement and Catherine felt it. She reluctantly removed her head from his shoulder.

"Why does everyone seem to think I don't have feelings? What, because I'm known as 'bugman,' I can't feel anything?" Gil spat out.

"Gil, please…"

"Just forget I mentioned it!"

"No, Gil, I'm not going to drop this! I've _never _said you don't have feelings…I guess I just can't imagine you actually being hurt by any of these cases. I guess in a way, I thought you were indestructible…like a rock if you prefer. Back at the lab we all think or assume that about you. I suppose I've never actually stopped to think that maybe these cases actually do effect you; especially after you just get done telling me that its just 'part of the job.'"

"It would affect anyone with a heart, Catherine. Just because not all of them get to me…just because I don't always show my emotions…" Gil stopped. He tried to figure out what he was going to say next but before he could finish, the doorbell rang.

Gil got up from the couch and opened the door. He promptly paid for the Chinese food that the young man delivered and came back into sight of Catherine; food in hand.

Catherine and Gil had no problem finishing all of their food. During that time, neither one of them acknowledged their previous conversation they were consumed in before the doorbell rang.

Catherine yawned.

"You tired?" Gil asked.

"Yeah, it's been a long day…or night. Are you sure you want to leave our previous conversation unfinished? It didn't exactly end on a good note."

"For now, yes. I'm tired, you're tired…I just want to rest. I need a goodnight sleep. We understand each other for the most part, right?" Catherine nodded. "And we're ok, right?" Once again, Catherine nodded. "So then nothing more needs to be said. I said what I felt as did you…end of conversation." Gil thought about it for a second, then added, "If some things need to be cleared up in regards to anything that has happened over the past couple days, we can always talk about it tomorrow. I think we should get some sleep. Let me pick up the garbage then I'll be right in. You're sleeping in my bed with me, ok? And don't try this 'No, Gil, I can't' crap with me. You made me last night, so I'm making you tonight! Now go in my dresser drawer and raid another one of my T-shirts, ok?" He sternly told her and placed a single kiss on her forehead before lifting himself off the couch.

Catherine wasn't about to argue with him. She loved sleeping by his side. She was rather surprised in how he took charge. It was so comforting knowing that when she woke up in the morning, someone would be there next to her. And even better, not just anybody, but the one and only, Gil Grissom. She loved this man and she'd do anything for him. She was actually surprised how calm he was after disclosing all the information he did.

_I can't believe he thinks that I don't think he has a heart. I know he has a heart, and I also know that it's bleeding inside, but what can I do?_

She continued to ponder as she made her way into his bedroom. Grabbing another random T-shirt from the same drawer that she raided yesterday, she quickly changed shirts before Gil came back into the room.

When he walked into his bedroom a few minutes later, Catherine was already curled up in bed underneath the covers waiting for him. He quickly grabbed another pair of pajama pants, this time a bit thinner and made his way over to another drawer where he pulled out a clean T-shirt to wear. He started to make his way into the bathroom when Catherine spoke.

"Gil, you know you don't have to wear 10 different articles of clothing. You have nothing to be ashamed of, Gil. It's just me, Catherine." She spoke softly and sat up in bed.

"Catherine, I can't." Pausing for a split second, he continued. "I—I don't like the way I look." He whispered. "It felt awkward as hell when you saw me without a T-shirt on last night." Gil's eyes began to roam around the room, landing anywhere but on Catherine's eyes. He had already exposed too much of his heart to her today, enough was enough.

"Gil, come here." Catherine spoke while sliding across the bed towards Gil.

Gil didn't know what to do. He felt like running away, digging a hole and burying himself in it, but he knew he couldn't run away…not from Catherine. So, he did the only thing he could think do…he slowly crept his way towards the bed where she sat, but this time looking into her eyes the whole way there. He wanted to look away, it didn't matter where, but for some reason, he couldn't.

When he reached Catherine, Catherine stood up and griped his shirt he was wearing; not caring how much of her legs he could see. She started to unbutton the top button when he snagged her hands.

"Catherine, what are you doing?" Gil spoke slowly, trying as hard as he could not to stutter. He figured she'd try to convince him to sleep in boxers and a T-shirt, but he never thought she'd try to 'undress' him.

"Trying to unbutton your shirt before you put another shirt on over it. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"But why?" He was pleading with her. She was killing him. He wanted to lose himself in her, let himself go and be comfortable around her, but he knew he couldn't. It's not who he is, not something he could do. He was so uncomfortable with his body and she had to know this.

"Because…" Catherine stopped for a second, and then continued. "Because, I can." She murmured and attempted once more to undo the top button of his shirt. Having success with the first button, she made her way towards the second when Gil's hands stopped her. "Gil, what do you normally wear to bed?" She sighed.

"Excuse me?" He asked. He swallowed hard as he replayed the last few words over in his head. He let his hands fall back down to his sides.

"What do you normally wear to bed? You know, when no one else is here."

"Catherine!"

"Gil, just answer the fucking question."

"Um, boxers." He figured he'd regret it in a mere second and he was right.

"Boxers? That's it? No shirt?"

"Yeah, that's it. Just boxers. It's too damn hot to wear anything else.

"Good, then that's what you're wearing to bed tonight."

"What?!"

"Gil, just because I'm here doesn't mean you have to wear a ridiculous amount of layers and be uncomfortable the rest of the night." Her voice softened as she spoke once more. "We've known each other for so long that it _shouldn't be_ a big deal…"

"Maybe to you it's not!" He spoke up like an adolescent.

"Just do it. Take off that damn shirt or I will!" She spoke, threatening him. "I don't know if your shirt will survive me taking it off either, so I'd just do it if I were you. Put some boxers on if you don't have any on already…" She looked down to his waist and then back up. "And crawl into bed, ok?"

Blushing, he finally nodded in agreement and sighed. He started to unbutton his shirt as his eyes shot up again.

"What do you wear to bed?" He asked innocently enough with a wide grin plastered on his face.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. If you're going to make me wear nothing but boxers, then you must wear what you normally wear to bed."

"Well, that sucks for you then because I wear a silk night gown and, well, Gil…I don't see any around, so I guess I'll be stuck wearing your T-shirt. In other words, you're shit out of luck." Her smile matched his as she crawled back into bed and maneuvered over to her side.

Gil shrugged his shoulders. He knew she was right. It's not like he exactly kept stock in that kind of material. Before continuing with the removal of his clothes, Gil walked over to the door and switched off the lights. After walking back to the bed, he noted how dark it was. Satisfied as much as he possibly could be under the circumstances, he began to finish unbutton his shirt. Slowly, he let it trail off his masculine shoulders and onto the floor. He then made his way to his pants, undoing his belt, then his button, zipper, then _thud_, his pants tumbled to the floor.

_Thank god I wore boxers under my jeans today._

Catherine was amused at the way Gil took off his clothes_ after_ turning off the lights.

_Why is he so ashamed of himself?_

She felt bad all of a sudden. Guilty. After seeing him stand in front of her, ashamed, embarrassed, and so vulnerable, she subsequently wished she hadn't pushed it on him. She wished for once she would have left him alone, not invaded his personal space and kept her mouth shut.

"I'm sorry, Gil." She spoke softly.

"For what?" He asked as he shifted positions in the bed.

"For taking you out of your comfort zone. It's none of my business what you wear to bed. I'm sorry." She admitted. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just, well, I felt bad…I didn't want you to be uncomfortable when you're trying to sleep, but I made you feel uncomfortable anyways."

"It's ok, Catherine. At least I'm not burning up like last night. Thanks though."

Catherine smiled at that. It was good enough for her.

"Goodnight, Gil."

"Goodnight, Cath."

It was around 4 or 5 am when Catherine awoke. The sound that had woken her wasn't very loud. In all truth, that's not even what woke her. It was the person stirring in the bed that did it. It was only after she woke up that she heard the sounds that matched the stirring. It was Gil, most likely having a nightmare. Her mind began to race with several different thoughts.

_What is he dreaming about? Was it Paul Millander? Was it her? How many times a week did he have nightmares? Is this why he worked so much and hardly slept? God, it's like déjà vu all over again._

All she really knew for sure is that she would be here for him. He had been here for her so many times, especially the past couple of days.

"Gil." She said, almost in a whisper. She was afraid she'd get hit the same way she hit him. She raised her voice nervously. "Gil, it's me, Catherine."

Gil continued to stir, mainly moving his head back and forth and whispering cries for help. With no sign that he had heard her, she sat up and turned to grab her pillow, reluctantly pulling it across her chest. She felt more ashamed at this very moment than she had ever felt in front of Gil; not that he was awake at the moment to witness it. She didn't want to get hit, one because she knew that Gil would never forgive himself, but also because she was so afraid of being hit again. Gil would never hurt her. She knew that and in fact felt the safest when she was in Gil's presence more than any other man or woman she knew. She realized it would be an accident but deep in the back of her mind, she'd never forget it happened. She only hoped that he would forgive her for what she did to him.

Catherine couldn't help it, she couldn't help but be afraid…it was something she was all too familiar with and deeply scared of. Catherine turned back around and with her left hand grabbed Gil's shoulder and yelled.

"Gil!" Immediately after yelling his name, she tightened the grip of the pillow in front of her with her free hand. This did the trick and when she peered back in the direction of Gil, she saw Gil's eyes shoot open. Not even a second later, he shot out from underneath the covers. His breathing was heavy and ragged and a look of panic was plastered on his face when he finally turned to the right to see Catherine holding the pillow, now softly, in her hands. Catherine didn't want to explain herself and only hoped he didn't ask. Gil's only movement was him placing his head in his hands.

"Gil, are you alright?" Catherine finally spoke, setting the pillow aside. Gil only nodded as Catherine watched as beads of sweat fell down his face. He wasn't sure what to say. He felt like he was on fire. "Gil, look at me." She said, pleading with him, noticing him drenched in sweat. She was worried about him and he could tell by the tone of her voice. He just didn't know what to say and didn't want to talk.

Gil complied and pulled his head up and turned to face her.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Without delay, she took note of his entire face and how red and clammy it was. She softly placed her palm on his forehead

"Gil, you're burning up!" She exclaimed. "I'm going to get you some cold water and a cold wet cloth, ok?" Gil only nodded again and waited for her to return. When she came back, she didn't go back to her place in the bed, but sat on the side of the bed next to him.

"Here." She said and handed him a glass of water. He gratefully accepted it and took several gulps of the cold water and then placed it on the night stand. "Here, lay back down." Yet again, he complied and she placed the wet cloth on his forehead. "Does this feel better?" She asked as she continued to wipe the sweat away with another wash cloth she had grabbed. Once again, Gil only nodded. "Would you like to talk about it, Gil?"

"No." Gil spoke hoarsely.

"Ok." Catherine said, sighing heavily. "But you can't keep this in, Gil." He just looked at her briefly and then shut his eyes. Catherine just then realized that Gil was shaking. She knew it was not from his body temperature but from fear itself. She could see it in his eyes before he shut them again. Was it the threat of the nightmare he'd just have or the threat of him having to talk about his nightmare with her? She didn't know and probably never would.

After a few minutes, Catherine took the wash cloth off Gil's forehead and a minute later, returned with a new one. Quickly placing it on his head, she walked back over to the other side of the bed and laid down.

This time it was Gil that moved towards her and placed his head on her shoulder. He was hot and sweaty but she didn't care. Just as he did for her, she raised her arm up for him so that he could have better access.

_God, didn't we do the same thing last night except for the fact that it was me that needed help, support. God, we're both so fucked up._

She knew that no matter what happened tonight, they'd always be there for each other. She knew it all along but after the events that went on this weekend, it reassured her to the fullest. The thought of this caused her to briefly smile.

Slowly Gil attempted to speak.

"Please don't leave me. I need to be held just as much as you did…as much as you do."

"I'm not going anywhere, Gil." Right after she promised him, she felt Gil swing his arm over her stomach to hold onto her.

**A/N: So on a more important note…this is all I've written. I don't really want to end it here but I really need some HELP. You as the readers know what you want, like and expect from this story…so where should it go? Advice…please!! I can start to write more, but I've been stuck for over 2…maybe even 3 weeks at this same point! Not sure of where to lead it to. Please let me know! Seriously, A.S.A.P. Thanks again for all that have reviewed! **

**-Snyder-**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**CHAPTER 9:**

Gil awoke with his back against something warm. Turning, he spotted the heat source. There she was, a still sleeping Catherine Willows. He sighed and yearned to touch her as he softly brushed the hairs that were covering here beautiful face. Gil loved to stare at her and did so when ever he got the chance. He'd sometimes stare at her at work and he knew that on occasion, Catherine would catch him, but she never said anything about it. She'd only smile at him and then turn away.

As he continued to take in every feature, every freckle, every blemish of Catherine's flawless face, Catherine started to stir and Gil's hand quickly retreated back over to his side.

"Hey." She greeted him still half asleep.

"Hey yourself. How are you this morning?" He asked and pulled the covers up against his chest slightly, hoping she didn't feel his touch against her face.

"Haven't we been over this already?" Catherine said nonchalantly after noticing him pull the covers up over his chest. She spoke without even thinking but immediately regretted it.

"Been over what?" He looked confused. "About how you are this morning?"

_Shit. _Catherine mused. _Oh well, what the hell._

"I'm talking about you covering up. Gil, you need to have more confidence." She shook her head and yawned. "Never mind, forget I mentioned it."

"Catherine, it's none of your business how much confidence I have or…may not have. And for your information, I'm cold!" He lied. He wasn't cold. He was actually quite comfortable and if it wasn't for Catherine being here, he'd probably be lying on top of his covers, sprawled out with his arms tucked behind his head.

"Yeah, whatever, Gil." She sat up straight. Yawning once more, she stretched and made her way to the bathroom, then turned back to Gil. "Do you mind if I take a quick shower? Then I'll get out of your way."

"Nope, it's all yours." Gil swallowed hard, noticing he was once again in the line of sight to her perfectly toned legs.

Gil figured she'd take a while, so he turned on his side after she was out of sight from him and fell back asleep. 30 minutes later, Catherine came back out of the bathroom, clean and wearing her own clothes once again. She looked up to where Gil was still in bed and stopped in her tracks a few feet from him. Staring directly at his back, she blinked a few times and then smirked.

_He must be asleep, otherwise he wouldn't have his back exposed to me like this._

"Jesus Christ." She uttered, not taking her eyes off him as she scanned what she could see. His long muscular back was facing her and if he was actually awake to see the look on her face, he'd have to get up, walk over to her and pick her jaw back up off the floor.

_I never imaged that Gil's back would be so—so sturdy. _She could have sworn she heard herself gasp at the magnificent sight of him. _Who knew Gil Grissom had such a perfectly etched back. _She mused as a smile appeared on her face. Gil's back had much tone to it and boy did it look good; it was even rather tan. Catherine thought for sure that his shoulder blades were screaming out for her to touch them and that's just what she wanted to do. _You would've never guessed by the type of clothing he wears that he'd look like this underneath! Damn, too bad the covers aren't down a little further._

She chuckled at her last thought and directed her glance down towards his ass. "Bad, Catherine, bad!" She declared as she shook her head and made her way towards Gil with a smile still fixed on her face.

There was about a foot and a half in between the edge of the bed and Gil's back and that's where Catherine sat down. The room was silent; the only faint noise that could be heard was the sound of Gil's steady breathing. She momentarily paused, watching him as his chest rose and then fell again. She twisted a bit and pulled the covers over him, but not all the way. Slowly Catherine turned and faced him once more; her back towards his feet as she softly began to stoke his hair with her right hand, her other hand softly resting on his left shoulder.

_God, he's going to kill me the minute he wakes up. _She deduced. _Oh well._

He was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous, and Catherine took a mental picture of the image in front of her before Gil had a chance to cover up.

"Mmmm…" Was all that managed to come out of Gil's mouth before he remember who was with him. He immediately ceased the sound that was coming from him and turned towards the cause of the pleasure.

"Catherine? What are you doing?" His voice was raspy and he was unable to move away from her.

"Nothing, Gil. Just wanted to let you know I'm leaving. I will see you at work—" She looked at her watch. "In about 10 hours."

"10 hours?"

"Yeah, we slept in longer than I realized. At least we both got some hard earned sleep. Anyways, I need to go spend some time with Lindsey. So, see you at work, right?" She lied. Lindsey wasn't the reason she was leaving. She didn't plan on leaving this early, but she didn't know what else to say when he asked her what she was doing. What was she suppose to say? 'Shut up, Gil, I'm admiring your sexy back? I had the urge to rip the sheets off you, but I decided against it for your sake. And oh, by the way, where's your camera?' Yeah right! Catherine sighed and got off the bed.

Gil nodded, and then sat up in bed, forgetting about the covers that shed off his upper torso.

"Catherine, we're ok, right? I mean, last night I told you that if we needed to talk we could do it tomorrow…which is today, so—" Catherine held up a hand to silence his rambling.

"Yes, Gil, we're ok. We always will be one way or another. A lot has happened this weekend and I'm sure we'll need to talk about it…but when the time comes, ok?" She said, then added "Are you ok? Do you need to talk, you know, about your nightmare?" She asked, shocked that he had yet to grab for the covers to shield his chest from her.

"I'm fine. Don't really feel like talking about it right now, but thanks." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Catherine?" He asked, almost feeling her stare burn into his chest.

"Ugh, yeah?" She said, speaking reluctantly.

"You're staring at me." He said, stating the obvious. "Is something wrong?" He glanced down briefly at his body and then back up to meet Catherine's eyes once more.

"Do you go tanning?" She spoke quickly, not thinking about what she said.

"What?" Gil raised his eye brows confused, but very curious nonetheless.

"Did I just say that out loud?" She exclaimed. She was thinking it, but didn't mean to blurt it out. She was cursing herself mentally for saying what was on her mind when Gil spoke once more.

"Uh, yeah, you did."

"Sorry." She mumbled. "So, do you?" Catherine decided to push the subject. She was _very_ curious and wanted to know.

"Go tanning? Me? Tanning? You've got to be kidding me!" He had to laugh at the thought. He couldn't picture himself tanning; paying hundreds of dollars for something so pointless.

"I thought it was a bit out there. So, then how are you so tan?" She nodded her head towards his body as she made her way back to the edge of the bed. She felt herself relax after noticing that he seemed to be more laid back, so she took a chance and slowly sat down next to him on the bed once more.

Gil thought about it. He knew why he was so tan, of course, and it didn't cost him hundreds of dollars to achieve it; it wasn't even his purpose. Just thinking about it brought a smile to his face.

"I read." He simply stated as he slowly lowered his glance, now straight ahead, eye level with Catherine's eyes. He never took his eyes off of her as he watched her slowly sit down next to him, her backside resting against his legs. He saw confusion on her face, her eye brows raised as he continued. "I like to read outside on my porch when it's hot out. I sit out there with a book in my cushioned lounge chair I bought about a year ago. I only wear shorts, no shirt and I tend to fall asleep." He shrugged his shoulders. "It's comfortable and relaxing, I can't help it."

"You sleep on your stomach, don't you?" Catherine said, a smirk now appearing on her face.

"Yeah, most of the time…how did you know?" Gil vocalized slowly, pronouncing each word cautiously. He was curious how she knew this but was nervous at the same time.

"Because your back is darker than your chest." She stated, figuring the conversation would go downhill from here. She knew he would ask her how and when she saw his back...and of course, she would feel compelled to answer, but she figured he'd clam up after that. "When I came out of the bathroom you were sleeping. Your back was towards me and not exactly under the covers…so I admired the view for a bit, then walked over and covered you back up. That's when you woke up. I don't know why you insist on covering up, especially after seeing you." She winked.

Gil looked at her in disbelief and almost choked on his own saliva.

_Oh god, he's going to yell any second. I can see it. _But the response she received was totally opposite. He laughed. _He's laughing? He's smirking? He must be high!_

"Gil, are you high?" She asked seriously.

"Not that I'm aware of, why?" He said, shaking his head with a smile still present.

"Because not an hour ago you were embarrassed about your body…and now—" She wailed, waiving her hands in no particular order. "And now it's like a whole new you."

"Not exactly." He simply stated. "You don't see me getting up and walking in front of you, do you?" Catherine shook her head and he continued. "I guess, I just figured a chest is just a chest." He shrugged his shoulders and continued. "Although, I didn't intend to show my back to you. I'm glad you enjoyed the view nonetheless." He smirked, but it immediately diminished. A few seconds went by when he blurted out, "Catherine, I just…I don't want to be afraid of you."

**A/N:** **So I know a lot of people have messaged me and want them to do the horizontal mambo or at least kiss, but be patient my little kiddies! Thanks again…now go review!**

**-Snyder-**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**CHAPTER 10:**

Catherine heard him loud and clear, but was unable to speak.

_Why would he be afraid of me? Oh god, was it because I hit him? Does he have the same fears I do? No… _

Catherine was pulled out of her train of thought by the deliverance of Gil's soft tone as he gradually spoke once more.

"I'm afraid that after this weekend, of us being so close and sharing our feelings, that…that I'll be afraid to talk to you. That it'll be awkward as hell at work. That it won't be the same as it was a week ago between us…you know, the normal Gil and Catherine. That…That…" He shook his head. He gave up. He was done. He verbalized his thoughts and now he digressed. He couldn't handle any more of this, and with that, he began to pull the covers back over his body when Catherine reached for both of his hands.

"Gil, look at me." She waited for him to look up, but his head was still down, facing his lap. "Gil, please look at me." She pleaded with him.

"I can't, Catherine. I just can't." He quietly responded.

Catherine was upset and knew that she couldn't and wouldn't leave without clearing this up; she deeply feared the outcomes of what would happen otherwise. Slowly she released his right hand from her left hand and swiftly reached up for his chin. Gil was startled by the contact when she placed a single finger, her index finger, under his chin and pushed it up. Effortlessly, she propelled his head back up so his eyes were once again locked onto hers. He didn't resist when she softly pleaded with him.

"Gil, look at me."

"I am." He spoke hoarsely.

"Nothing has changed between us, you got that? You _do_ know that, right? If anything, our friendship has improved. Best friends talk to each other all the time, not avoid each other. Do you understand? This whole weekend has been a blessing. We've improved our friendship and we were both able to express our feelings and let out some of the fear that we've both been holding in. I can't remember the last time we sat down and talked like that." She paused briefly. "Actually, I don't think we've ever talked before, I mean, not as in-depth as we have the past few days."

Gil nodded and swallowed hard before he spoke.

"That may be true, but it will still feel awkward at work. I can't help it. Every time I let someone get close, it backfires on me and it's never the same. I always end up wishing I would've kept my mouth shut. I'm sorry, I should've thought about it before—before all of this. I should've kept my own problems out—" Gil sighed heavily, not finishing his statement. There was no need to. She knew what he was going to say; the tone in his voice was so deep…dark, like he hadn't slept in days.

"Gil, please don't do this. Why do you expect the worst? You know I don't judge you. We've been friends for so long…" She paused. "Do you really think something like this is going to pull us apart? Gil, this weekend was a luxury compared to what I would've been doing. Please don't think things like that, ok?"

Gil nodded. He still felt awkward and he knew when he'd spot her in the hallway at work, passing by, he'd still feel awkward, but deep down inside he understood her. He understood what she meant. They would be friends forever and she had just reassured him of it. He needed her and he figured she needed him just as much.

Gil silently reached up with his right hand to claim her left hand once more and held onto it as if it were his last lifeline.

"Thank you, Catherine."

She looked confused and tilted her head slightly to the side as if asking him to continue.

"In my eyes, your reassurance is golden." He smiled once again. "Thank you for being there when I needed you—"

"Just like you were here for me when I needed you." Gil nodded and pulled her into him for a hug.

Once again, it was a hug that lasted longer than it should have and once again, they didn't care. After a few seconds, the hug only increased as their hands slid along each other's shoulder blades and onto each other's backs. Both of their heads tucked into the crock of each others necks.

**A/N: ****So, let me know what you think. I pretty much have in mind where it's headed from here. Not sure how long it will be though…  
-Snyder-**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**CHAPTER 11:**

While embracing each other in a friendly hug, Catherine finally realized something; something she kept telling herself she'd never let happen nor admit to herself…let alone Gil. It was hard for her to even entertain the idea, but she knew it was true. There was no denying it any longer. She really did love him. She's loved him as a friend for as long as she can remember, but now…now she's finally admitting it to herself. She loves him, Catherine Willows, loves Gil Grissom more than best friends would…she loves him as a lover would.

Of course she doesn't dare tell him. She couldn't risk it.

_What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if he laughs in my face? I can't take rejection, especially from Gil since I see him practically every day. I know how he is about relationships…especially about 'office relationships.' He's my best friend. I won't take the chance of ruining what we do have_. _It_ _would never work anyway—" _

Catherine was pulled out of her rationalization by two eyes piercing her own.

"Catherine, what is it?" He asked, pulling back slightly while staring directly into her cerulean blue eyes.

"Um, nothing, Gil. I'm just lucky to have you." She so desperately wanted to tell him, to confess everything to him. She longed to tell Gil that she loved him, even if she just realized this herself mere moments ago. She wanted to be with him all the time but she knew she couldn't. Not yet anyways. She wanted, no, she needed to witness how he'd react to her statement and this was the ultimate test. She is lucky to have him, but how will he perceive it. It's an open door for him and the ball is now in his court.

"As am I, Catherine." He smiled once more and Catherine waited for him…waited for him to make a move. They were so close. Their faces were less than a foot away from each other, but he didn't do it and neither did she. He just continued to look into her eyes and smile. She could see the desire in his eyes, but she didn't know if it was the desire of love or only friendship.

After a few moments of staring at each other, eyes gleaming, neither one of them daring to make the first move; each one of them silently wishing the other would, Catherine spoke softly.

"Well, Gil, I better go. So, see you at work, right?" She stated, slowly lifting herself off his bed. Their arms slowly slipped off one another and the loss of contact was felt throughout her whole body and he could sense it in her face as he looked up at her. He didn't dare say anything though because he himself felt the same way. She gave him a chance and he didn't take it.

_Maybe he doesn't like me or feel the same way about me…maybe he can't see us as more than friends._

"Yes you will. So, I take it that means you're not quitting." It was more of a statement than a question.

Catherine nodded her head.

"No. I'm going to see if I can learn to 'cope' with things better. I'm going to try and work it out because I love this job." _And you._ She thought though never verbalized. What's the point of saying, 'I love you' to someone who doesn't love you back.

"Ok, thanks for a great weekend Catherine." Gil said. He tried to think of something more quick-witted to say to her, but all of the words seem to pass him by today; his brain failing him once more. He didn't want her to leave, but he knew he couldn't force her to stay.

She almost snorted at his statement.

"Yeah right, Gil. I can only image what the people at work are going to say about your lip…and jaw that looks so wonderful this morning. What are you going to tell them anyway? Bad night at the bar?" She chuckled briefly, then paused for a second, her eyes widening with fear. Gil instantly registered the panic that filled her eyes as she struggled to continue. "God, you're not going to tell them about this weekend are you? How I hit you? How I was at your place all weekend! God, I can already hear the rumors now about how I slept my way up the ladder by staying at my supervisors house all weekend and fucking him until—" Gil stopped her before she could even finish her statement.

He didn't want to hear her say that she wished she'd never come over this weekend even though he couldn't blame her at the moment for thinking that. After seeing the fear engulf her now dark blue eyes, he couldn't let her continue to beat herself up about it. He'd already thought about this...well, not before he got punched in the face, because there was no need to before, but he figured that walking into the office with a still 'wounded' black and blue lip as well as a sore jaw just below the lip would cause some questions to come up.

"Of course not, Catherine, I'll come up with something to tell them. Don't worry about it. It's none of their business what went on here…or didn't go on here." Gil softly told her and his reassuring voice reassured herself that it would be ok. "Please don't say things like that. You know I'm not that kind of a man…" Gil said unsurely, unable to fish the remaining pieces of the sentence together.

"I know, Gil." She revealed, just above a whisper. And with that, Catherine gave him one more quick smile, nodded and then turned and walked out of his room. A few moments later he heard the door open and then close.

Once Catherine left, Gil felt horrible. He couldn't believe she said that.

_Does she really think I'm that kind of a man?"_ It hurt Gil and Catherine had to of known this. He almost felt like this whole weekend wasn't worth it, all because of her last statement. _I guess she really doesn't know me…no one does._

Even though he was hurting and didn't want to be around her at the moment, waves of loneliness sweep through him, through his entire town house. He missed her, but he figured she didn't miss him. He almost felt used.

_No, Catherine would never use me._

Her scent was still present, but she was gone. He was alone once again and he almost felt abandoned…as if what happened this weekend was a dream. A dream that was too good to be true. The funny thing was, he liked to be alone, isolated, unattached and unaided by others, but now that she had left, the only distant memory of her presence ever being here this weekend being faint scent that still lingered in the air and on his bed sheets. He longed so desperately to have her back again. You could see it by the features that were present on his face…on his entire body. He deeply missed her. He felt numb.

_What's my problem? I like being alone, remember? _He thought as his mind started to drift back to Catherine and the weekend they shared together. _God, why did I let her go? Why couldn't I just tell her how I felt? Would she reject me? She can't possibly feel the same way. Especially after what she said to me, even if it came out the wrong way. She could have anyone she wants. She's beautiful, flawless, intelligent…and sexy as hell! I was right to not tell her how I feel. It would be awkward and I wouldn't want to put her in that position when I know she doesn't feel the same way._

Catherine walked into her house exhausted. She hadn't had a weekend of resting quite like this before. Sure, at times it was stressful and painful to some degree, but she still managed to be at peace with herself and her demons for a night. The only problem now was that the person helping her aid in her attempt to keep her demons away, was now gone.

_I'll probably never have a chance to be as close to him again as we were this weekend. Especially after what I said to him…and then after that…I just walk out on him._

After shaking her head out of the cloud of thoughts that seem to keep tormenting her ever since she left Gil's, she walked further into her home where she spotted her mom and Lindsey.

Right after she left Gil's apartment, she called her mom and told her she'd be home in a bit and requested to see her daughter so Lindsey wouldn't forget what her mother's face looked like.

"Hi mom." Lindsey said and ran up to give her mom a hug.

"Hey, Lindsey. How was your weekend?" Catherine asked. She was very tired and had a lot on her mind, so it wasn't hard to tell by the tone of her voice that she wanted nothing more than to go into her bedroom, shut the door, curl up in bed and fall asleep.

"It was good. Grandma helped me with homework and then we stayed up and watched movies and ate ice cream all night."

"Oh you did, did you?" Catherine asked while eying her mother. Her mother just shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

"Well, I guess I'll be on my way. Catherine, honey, if you need to talk, please call me."

"I'm fine mom, really. Thanks though and thank you for looking after Lindsey." Catherine said and quickly hugged her mom goodbye.

After her mom left, Catherine turned back towards Lindsey. She forced a smile on her face for Lindsey's sake.

"So, what homework did Grandma help you with? It is the summer you know…what homework could you possibly have right now?" Catherine asked amused.

"Yeah, mom, I know it's the summer." Lindsey rolled her eyes. "We have book reports we have to do over the summer. It's really stupid, mom. So unfair if you ask me! I hate elementary school!" Lindsey said, crossing her arms to emphasis her point. "So, what did you do over at your boss' house?" Lindsey asked innocently enough.

_If you only knew._

**A/N:** **LOL, I'm killing ya all, aren't I? So they didn't kiss…yet! Ha Ha, let me know what you think. More to come! **

**-Snyder-**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**A/N:** **The song that is in this chapter is called "I Don't Wanna Be In Love" by Good Charlotte. I do not own it! So, I know a lot of people hate song fics. I know I do! I also know that people skip over the song in the fic and just read the words (Guilty as charged). I also know that this song wasn't even around when season 2 of CSI was up and about, but work with me here people! Read the lyrics and you'll get it more.  
Catherine more or less relates to the lyrics she actually HEARS…yes hears! The lyrics are not just randomly put in here. It's kind of hard to explain, so just give it a shot, ok? (Nods Head). Ok!**

**CHAPTER 12:**

Catherine's eyes shot forward as she bit her lip. What the hell was she supposed to tell her daughter? She never thought about this question before…well, she thought her mother might ask her, but not Lindsey. Obviously her mother kept her promise by not telling Lindsey what she was really doing over at Gil's but she wasn't honestly sure herself what actually went on there. They had their 'special moments', but it wasn't something she wanted to share. She didn't want nor need her daughter to know that her mother was in fact weak at times and that she in fact needed support to get over the case they'd just worked on. She just needed…company. Companionship, even if it was only for the weekend. Someone she could rely on. Somewhere where she knew that if she woke up from a nightmare that someone would be there…that Gil would be there. Sure, she never in her wildest imagination thought that she'd end up sleeping in the same bed as Gil, even if it was platonic, but she also never thought about the possibility of him hurting inside just as much as she was. It may have been a separate case, but the pain inflicted upon them, inside them, was the same agony; an anguish that never seems to disappear.

Catherine knew that questions would only end up leading to more questions and she didn't want her daughter to have visual images of the things she dealt with at work in her head; especially visuals of her mom having nightmares from them. Someone so young and innocent doesn't deserve to know about _that_ dark life.

"Um, just working. Long, hard case load." She lied once again.

_Damn, Catherine, you're getting good at this._

"Oh. Did you have fun?"

"As much fun as you can have when you're working."

They both laughed.

"Well, I guess I will go on the computer. Is that ok with you, mom?"

"Sure, sweetheart. I'll come in in a bit, ok? I just need to change into something more comfortable. Maybe we can watch a movie or play a game or something."

"Sure mom." And with that, Lindsey walked around the corner and out of sight.

Catherine wandered into her bedroom, emotionless; as if she were a programmed robot with no control over herself. She decided to take a quick shower just to rinse off once more; shedding what was left of Gil's scent. She was appalled, but not by anything Gil did. No, no, no, this was all about her and her need to insult any man that came around. The more she thought about him, the more distraught she became.

_Why didn't I just tell him how I felt?_

As she stepped out of the shower 15 minutes later, no improvement was made in those wee minutes. Steam had filled the bathroom and with the mirrors steamed over, all she saw was a haze. She quickly wiped off part of the upper section of the mirror and glared at herself; boring holes into the mirror with her horrid, distasteful stare that reflected back to her own face.

With her eyes locked onto the mirror image of herself, she couldn't stop asking herself how.

_How could I have said that to, Gil? 'Climb up the ladder by fucking my boss?'_ She repeated over and over in her head. _I didn't mean it the way it came out, but people DO talk. I just…I couldn't fix what I had said to him, not after the look in his eyes. I panicked, I left him…left him staring at me in disbelief._

She saw the hurt that was held in his eyes clear as day. Once those words slipped out of her mouth, Gil looked shocked, but even more so, hurt. His body tightened at the words that seemed to physically strike him. His mouth opened slightly as if to say something immediately following, but he had paused for a moment and cocked his head slightly down. He closed his mouth once again as if a vise grip had gripped his lips and closed them. He was stunned because he _knew _that Catherine knew that he' d never do anything like that…and it was true, Catherine knew he would never attempt something like that. Maybe consensual sex, but then she even doubted that.

"Not with a co-worker." She muttered. He treated women with respect.

_I guess it's just something I'm not used to._

Catherine continued to shake her head as she pulled her head from the mirror, disgusted in what she saw.

_How am I going to explain this to him…apologize to him? _

Displeased with herself, she hastily moved into her bedroom and put on some sweats and an old T-shirt. Giving herself the once over quickly, she preceded to make her way down the hall towards Lindsey's room. When she heard the music blaring from Lindsey's room, she stopped a few feet from the door and silently listened to the sound coming out of the office.

_**She's going out to forget they were together  
All that time he was taking her for granted  
She wants to see if there's more  
Than he gave she's looking for **_

_**He calls her up  
He's trippin on the phone now  
He doesn't want her out there  
And alone now  
He knows she's movin it  
Knows she's using it  
Now he's losing it  
She don't care**_

"Shit. Are you fucking serious?" She said just above a whisper. She rolled her eyes and looking up at the ceiling, bracing herself for more lyrics to come. "What perfect timing!" Catherine mumbled to herself as the song continued to squawk through the computer speakers. After hearing the first two versus of the song, Catherine immediately related the song back to her relationship with Gil. She sighed heavily.

_Gil's never taken me for granted, has he? _She mulled over. _He won't call me, I know he won't._ She mused as she wiped her eyes with her forearm. She listened once more and mentally cursed herself for missing what she figured was the chorus. _Oh well, they always sing it several times in the song anyway…_

_**He was always giving her attention  
Looking hard to find the things she mentioned  
He was dedicated  
But most suckers hate it  
That girl was fine  
But she didn't appreciate him**_

_**She calls him up  
She's tripping on the phone now  
He had to get up  
And he ain't comin' home now  
He's tryin to forget her  
That's how we come with him  
When he first met her  
When they first got together**_

_**Everybody put up your hands  
Say I don't wanna be in love  
I don't wanna be in love  
Feel the beat now  
If you got nothing left  
Say I don't wanna be in love  
I don't wanna be in love  
Back it up now  
You got a reason to live  
Say I don't wanna be in love  
I don't wanna be in love  
Feelin' good now  
Don't be afraid to get down  
Say I don't wanna be in love  
I don't wanna be in love**__**To the beat  
To the beat  
To the beat  
You got nothing to lose  
Don't be afraid to get down**_

We break up  
It's something that we do now  
Everyone has got to do it sometime  
It's okay, let it go  
Get out there and find someone

_**It's too late to be trippin' on the phone here  
Get off the wire  
You know everything is good here  
Stop what you're doin'**__  
__**You don't wanna ruin  
The chance that you got to  
Find a new one**_

_**Everybody put up your hands  
Say I don't wanna be in love  
I don't wanna be in love  
Feel the beat now  
If you got nothing left  
Say I don't wanna be in love  
I don't wanna be in love  
Back it up now  
You got a reason to live  
Say I don't wanna be in love  
I don't wanna be in love  
Feelin' good now  
Don't be afraid to get down  
Say I don't wanna be in love  
I don't wanna be in love**_

_**Nooo...Noooo.**_

_**Now you know what to do, so come on feelin' good**_

By the time the song was mid-way through; Catherine had slid down the wall and was now sitting on the ground. She listened intently to the lyrics of the song and continued to deliberate over 'their' relationship.

_He is dedicated. I'll give him that…just not to a relationship. Not even to a friendship! _Catherine immediately regretted her thoughts. _What the hell am I talking about? He was the one that was with me the whole weekend, comforting me when I needed someone the most. Sure, he may not be dedicated to me but…he IS dedicated to his pride and joy…yes, his work. Actually, I think the correct term is 'married' to his work! He doesn't have time for anything else…or anyone for that matter. _She shook her head and continued to reflect on the song that had just ended. _That's it…maybe I should call him. I mean, hell, you wait for a man and you might as well die young. _She smiled at the thought but it immediately turned to a frown. _I can't call him. He's already uncomfortable as it is with our relationship and after what I said to him…yeah, don't think so! I don't think that a phone call would go over very well. I can just imagine myself explaining to him why I called him: 'I called you, Gil, because of a song I heard Lindsey listening to.' Oh yeah, that'll work. Maybe in the middle of it all, I can sing it to him._

Catherine had to laugh at the thought of the chorus. She wanted to stand up, put her hands up and start dancing like the song vocalized to do but deep in the back of her mind, she knew she couldn't. She wanted to feel the beat now, but once again, she couldn't. The only beat she felt was the rapid beat of her heart pounding against her chest. There was no way she could back up the fact that she was putting on an act for everyone. She knew she couldn't feel good without Gil next to her. This past weekend was magical, hypnotizing in so many regards and the only way she could feel _that_ good again was to be lying next to him; his long, muscular arms hovering over her body…softly touching her, wanting her, needing her just as much as she needed him. There was no way she could forget about Gil that easily and she doesn't think she ever will. She longed that one day she'd be back in his bed, but only this time, him touching her, wiping away her tears. She wanted to be there, in his bed with him, but only because he wanted her to be. Not because she was hurt, physically or mentally and needed comfort but because of the want between the two of them.

As witty as the lyrics might have been, Catherine felt herself starting to cry once again at the thought of Gil and the possibility that it may never be. As she sluggishly got up of the floor and walked into Lindsey's room.

"Lindsey! When did you start listening to this...this kind of music?" She said, more harshly than she intended it to be. He hands waved out in front of her gesturing to the music.

"Oh mom, don't be such a party-pooper. You know what's good about listening to this song? …this type of music?"

"What?" Catherine asked, intrigued. Hands on her hips.

"I don't have to worry about this kind of stuff." Lindsey stated simply and turned back to the computer screen. Catherine took that to mean that she didn't have to worry about all this relationship shit that goes on in life today.

"You're lucky." Catherine said. She was standing there, staring at Lindsey, but she was miles away. Lindsey could get up and start dancing in front of her wearing skimpy prostitute clothing and she wouldn't even notice.

"Mom?" Lindsey waited for a response, but didn't receive one. "Mom!"

"Ah, yeah?" Catherine said, startled. She spoke almost in a whisper as if something was caught in the back of her throat.

Lindsey knew something was wrong and decided to innocently ask her mom about it, not expecting anything important to become of it, let alone an answer.

"Mom, what's wrong? You don't seem…yourself since you got home."

"Oh, nothing honey…just work." She said and casually walked over to Lindsey's bed and plopped down.

"Then why are you crying, mommy?" She stated. She hardly ever saw her mom cry, but when she did it was because of one of two things: relationship problems or work 'issues.' Lindsey figured it was going to be a long night. She always hated to see her mother crying and she vividly remembers comforting her on many occasions.

Catherine sighed. What was she suppose to tell her daughter? Would she understand?

_Maybe she can give me advice._ She speculated. _It wouldn't hurt._

"I think I'm in love with Gil." It came out so fast that Catherine's eyes widen in regards to what she had just confessed to her daughter. She didn't even think about the consequences before she shrieked out her response. It was true, but damn her all the hell for letting it get to her…and even more so, bringing her daughter into the middle of it.

"That's what's bothering you?" Lindsey asked in amazement.

That amazement turned into a broad smile a few moments later. Lindsey was happy that it wasn't work for a change. At least it was a happy kind of sad, instead of a depressing, horrible incident that she had to pretend to understand.

Catherine nodded.

"Why is that so funny? Why are you smiling?"

"Oh gosh, mom…" Lindsey rolled her eyes. "I figured you had a thing for him, but I figured it was just friends being friends. You _have_ been friends for a long time…before I was born. You know you guys care so much about each other." She said smiling. "I'm just happy that it's something that has a potential to become a happy ending."

"Oh? So you knew I loved him?"

"Well, yeah…no…sort of. You and Gil seem to get along well. You always talk about him and I've seen the way you two look at each other or the way you talk to him on the phone." She shrugged. "I may be young, but I'm not blind! It's cute actually. You obviously care for one another. I just didn't expect you to actually, well, tell me or admit it."

"Well, that may be but we're just good friends." Catherine thought for a moment. "Actually, I consider him my best friend. I don't want to take the chance of ruining what we have and love tends to do that to friendships. I don't think I could handle it if Gil and I were never friends again."

"Now you know why I love this song!" Lindsey declared before continuing. "Wait! You haven't told him how you feel? Mom, how will you ever know if you don't ask him or tell him how you feel?"

"It's not quite that simply, Lind's." Catherine sighed heavily. She was tired and just wanted to curl up in bed and think…think about, Gil. "I said some things to him that I shouldn't have. I don't know if he's going to want to talk to me anytime soon…"

"What did you say to him?" Lindsey asked curiously.

"It's not important what I said…just that I upset him." She swallowed hard and attempted to continue. "I'm sure things will be ok sooner or later, but right now isn't the best time to tell him 'I love him.'"

"I don't understand this grown up stuff." She shook her head.

"It's ok. Maybe I'll think about it, maybe talk to him tomorrow. I just don't want to ruin the long lasting friendship we have. Things need to cool off between us anyways."

"Liar." Lindsey whispered.

"What?" Catherine asked.

"Mom, you know you're not going to say anything to him. You're going to end up sad and depressed and all alone if you don't do something!" Lindsey swiveling in her chair to fully face her mother. "What if…"

"What if what?" Catherine asked, looking straight into her daughters eyes for answers to questions that she didn't have.

"What if he feels the same way…and you never tell each other!" She blurted out all in one breath.

"You've been watching too much TV." Catherine declared. Of course, Catherine wasn't stupid. She knew she was right and that's what scared her. What if she was alone for the rest of her life? She could learn to deal with that but she couldn't deal with the fact that she could have been with Gil the whole time. What if he _did _feel the same way and they never told each other. Catherine decided that maybe she did need to talk to her mom.

_No, no…she will just tell me the same thing Lindsey did._

"Are you going to tell me how it turns out?" Lindsey asked, ignoring her moms comment about the TV.

"Yes miss gossiper." Catherine smiled. "I don't know what will happen though. Do you like, Gil?"

"Sure mom. I mean I don't really know him and I haven't really spoken to him but from what I know, he treats you right. The way you should be treated and if you love him and he loves you, then what else is there to worry about?"

Catherine had to agree with her there. She could never see Gil hurting her or Lindsey for that matter. The only problem is that she couldn't imagine Gil loving her either.

"It's a bit more complicated than that, Lindsey, but I see your point." Catherine sighed heavily once more as she sat up from Lindsey's bed. "Do you mind if we skip the movie for tonight? I'm tired and need to go…think."

"Sure mom. I'm going to get ready for bed as well. Just remember what I said, ok."

Catherine nodded and then walked out of the room after she hugged and kissed her daughter goodnight. At least she hoped it would be a goodnight but something told her that it would be a while before she rid Gil from her mind.

"It's going to be a long night." Catherine mumbled as she walked into her room.

**A/N: I know, I know! Two Authors Notes in one chapter! LOL. So, how did you like it? See, it wasn't that bad. More to come! Now, please review!**

**-Snyder-**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**A/N: Ok people, so I decided to add a song to this chapter as well. It fits (or at least I think so) the chapter well, so I had to use it! I highly suggest listening to the song while reading this chapter…or before you read it. It _does _give it an extra 'feeling' to it! Trust me.**

**The song is called "Mad World" by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules. Once again, the song is NOT mine! Thanks guys!**

**CHAPTER: 13**

_**All around me are familiar faces  
**__**Worn out places, worn out faces**_

_Catherine awoke to her cell phone ringing viciously. Shaking her head after the weird dream she'd just woken up from, half asleep, she reached for her cell and growled just as it was about to fall to the floor from the vibration. _

"_Willows." She murmured, while the song replayed over in her head._

"_Catherine, it's, Gil. We have a case and I need you to meet me at…" He rambled on as Catherine lethargically grabbed a pen that sat on the dresser and wrote down the address. Writing it down on her hand, too lazy to find a piece of paper, she exhaled deeply. Usually she kept a note pad next to the pen and her cell phone for emergencies just like this one but for some reason, it was missing._

_**Bright and early for their daily races  
**__**Going nowhere, going nowhere**_

"_Yeah, Gil, I'll be there in 45 minutes." She hung up and slowly made her way out of bed. She quickly got dressed, managing to grab a cup of coffee before making her way to the car; snagging her keys from the entry way as she made her way through the doorframe and out of the house._

_**Their tears are filling up their glasses  
**__**No expression, no expression**_

_On the way to the crime scene, she briefly thought about something; the weird thing was, she didn't know what she was thinking about. That song, the one in her dream…it continued to play in her head, over and over again. No, that couldn't be it. Something in the back of her mind wouldn't let her brain at ease and it was driving her insane._

_**Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow  
**__**No tomorrow, no tomorrow**_

_The rest of the drive to the crime scene she tried to figure out what was bothering her. No matter how hard she tried to push it out of her mind, so couldn't. She felt like she was forgetting something but she shrugged it off and decided that her mind was just playing tricks on her. She groaned as the song started to flood back into her thoughts._

_**And I find it kinda funny  
**__**I find it kind of sad  
**__**The dreams in which I'm dying  
**__**Are the best I've ever had**_

_She felt like something was off. It seemed too quiet. There was no sound except for the faint sounds of her breathing in and out, in and out. As if in slow motion, she peered out to the left to look at the passing buildings. She saw people walking, laughing, crying, but…nothing. She felt nothing. Heard nothing. Gazing back towards the cars in front of her, she noted the cars in the other lane passing her; once again, in slow motion. The colors seemed dull, only in black and white with hints of grey along the lines. She didn't know what that meant..._

_**I find it hard to tell you  
**__**I find it hard to take  
**__**When people run in circles  
**__**It's a very, very mad world mad world**_

_Making her way to the house, she noted Gil's parked car in front. He was rummaging around in the back of his SUV when she pulled up._

_Catherine slowed down and pulling right behind Gil's SUV. Roughly putting it in park, Catherine stepped out of the vehicle. Quickly, she grabbed her kit and then made her way towards, Gil. _

"_So, what do we have?" She asked. _

"_Ahh, sound again." She thought to herself. "I can her myself again." Everything slowly fell back into place; her sense back to normal. "Colors…visible to my eyes." She blinked and continued to think, eyes focused above in the sky. That is, until Gil brought her out of her thoughts._

"_The usual." He said, not even bothering to look at her. "Family murdered: husband, wife and their daughter. Looks like a robbery that went south." He said. His voice sounded ragged with the last few words slipping out slowly._

_Catherine only nodded, her head returning back at eye level with Gil who still wasn't looking at her. _

"_Where's, Brass?" She spoke up, not seeing him or his car._

"_He was caught up in another case. He should be here in about 10 minutes."_

_Gil, finally met Catherine's eyes as they both walked side by side to the front door. A younger cop met them as they stopped and briefly looked at each other. _

"_All clear." The cop said, nodding to both Catherine and Gil as he made he way back outside._

"_Ok, Catherine, wife and daughter were murdered up stairs, husband murdered down in the kitchen over there." Gil said, pointing Catherine in the direction of the kitchen. "I'll take up stairs. Why don't you take down stairs?" Catherine nodded._

_**Children waiting for the day they feel good  
**__**Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday  
**__**Made to feel the way that every child should  
**__**Sit and listen, sit and listen**_

_As she made her way over towards the kitchen, going in the opposite direction as Gil, Catherine couldn't help but feel awkward about something. _

"_Oh god, it's starting again." She mumbled. Something wasn't right. This whole scene, it wasn't right. It's not like the others. Everything seemed to be a haze, blurry all around except where she directly looked. She blinked her eyes forcefully as she brought herself back up to the scene._

_**Went to school and I was very nervous  
**__**No one knew me, no one knew me  
**__**Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
**__**Look right through me, look right through me**_

_Catherine bent down and began to take various pictures of the husband when she heard it. Her heart stopped as one…two loud bangs from upstairs rang in her ears. The sound echoed throughout the silent house._

"_Gil?" She said, barely above a whisper, hesitating for a brief moment. She wasn't sure if the sound was in her head or if she actually heard it; a sound…a sound of a gun going off. Catherine then turned and ran back towards the door of the house where the stairs were located. She briefly slammed into Brass' chest who also heard the shots as they immediately turned and rushed up the stairs. "Gil!" She spoke even louder, now yelling a desperate hope that he was ok. The look on Brass' face told her that it wasn't just her that heard the shots. Maybe it was him that fired the gun? Did he have his piece on him? She desperately tried to remember but frowned when she knew he didn't. He never carried it on him. He always left it in the car. "Stupid! Stupid!"_

_Rounding the corner, Catherine came into view of Gil. He was laying there, on the floor, covered in blood, head facing her, eyes closed._

"_No, No, No!!" Catherine shouted as Brass followed right behind her._

"_I need a medic in here now!" Brass yelled to the several officers that had followed them up the stairs. He turned back a few moments later to see the officers standing in the doorway in awe, not making any attempt to move. "What are you fucking waiting for? I said now!"_

_When the officers scurried back downstairs, he turned to see his friend, Gil, lying there motionless on the ground. Brass took off his coat as Catherine and him both applied pressure to the two bullet wounds that penetrated his chest. _

_The perpetrator, the one who killed the family, was hiding in the closet. Gil walked into the room and looked around when he came to the closet the perp was hiding in. Gil reached to look into the closet as the perp came into view of him. He didn't have anytime to reach as he was shot immediately, twice at close range. _

_Brass looked around to make sure there was no one still in the room and figured the guy who shot Gil took off out the window since it was wide open; the warm breeze flowing in._

"_Gil, stay with me! Do you fucking hear me? Stay with me!" She waited, but nothing. Not even a slight moan, grunt or movement. "Goddammit." She wept._

_Catherine could hear the faint sounds of the sirens down the road but they seemed so distant, everything still a blur as if time was literally standing still. Everything was still grey, all except the deep crimson red that poured out of, Gil. It was the only noticeable color to her. _

"_This can't be happening! I can't believe it. I won't." Silent tears became an unsteady flood as she poured her heart and soul onto this man she loved._

_A tear fell from her cheek onto Gil's and slowly she reached up with her right hand to stroke his cheek with her thumb. _

"_I love you, Gil." She spoke slowly. She'd never been so sure of anything in her life as much as she was at that very moment. Glancing at the mark she left on his cheek with his own blood, it looked like he had face paint on, but only the paint was his own blood._

_Her hands were covered in blood, but she didn't care. Her shirt was covered in blood, his blood, but she didn't care. Brass gave her an unsure look, but she didn't care. Her emotion was raw, but pure…and she didn't care. The only thing she cared about was the man that was lying on his back, covered in blood, slowly slipping away._

_She noted that his chest was not rising and falling anymore like it should be and she was about to check his pulse when the medics arrived. Hesitantly, she pulled away from him. She knew they needed space to work on Gil, so she slowly stood up. Brass had come around the other way and now held her with his right arm around her shoulder and his left arm wrapping around the front of her…both of them still staring at the man that was lifeless. It was hard to believe, really. At some point, they figured he was immortal. Nothing could happen to the great, Gilbert Grissom._

_Catherine shivered and blinked the tears away as she watched the medics work on him. She heard one of them say something to the effect of, "Losing him" and "…No pulse." That's when she saw them rip open his shirt so that his upper chest was exposed; then they shocked him. Once, twice, three times, four times, five times…and then they stopped._

"_He's back." She thought. "Thank god…he can't leave me." She blinked. "I knew he wouldn't." Then she heard it…Brass attempting to soothe her, to calm her down._

"_I'm so sorry, Catherine."_

"_Wait, w—what?" She screamed. She looked back down to see a continuously still, Gil. "Oh god." They had not brought him back. He was in fact gone. "Try again!" She screamed, desperately pleading with them…so very desperate._

"_Catherine, there's nothing they can do. I'm so sorry." He said, nodding to the paramedics. _

_**And I find it kind of funny  
**__**I find it kind of sad  
**__**The dreams in which I'm dying  
**__**Are the best I've ever had**_

_That's when Catherine fell forward, onto her knees and grabbed Gil. She pulled his upper body into her lap and held onto him. All the colors flooded back…all sounds flooded back as she, for the first time, heard herself cry. Desperately she clinched onto him, pulling him against her as much as she possibly could; as if the tighter she held him, the more alive he'd become. As if she could somehow will him to breathe. He felt so light…so gone. The normal Gil Grissom, tall, big and handsome, was nothing more than a lifeless force. _

_**I find it hard to tell you  
**__**I find it hard to take  
**__**When people run in circles  
**__**It's a very, very mad world … mad world.**_

"_Gil, please. Please don't go. Don't leave me. I love you. You can't leave me." She cried, she confessed, she pleaded with him, with god, but it didn't do any good. He was gone, deceased from this world._

_She looked up and tilted her head back as far as it would go; still holding, Gil. She wanted this to be a dream, a bad dream in which she would wake up and everything would be back to normal. Tears continued to stream down her face as she tilted her head back down. She watched as the medics slowly walked out of the room._

"_I should've told you." She whispered into his hair, resting her chin on the top of his head. "God, I should've told you…I should've told you how much you mean to me. I—I'll never get that chance now. Never. I'll never forgive myself for not telling you."_

_**Enlarging your world  
**__**It's a mad world.**_

**A/N: So, the story. What did you think? So, who actually read the song? Tisk Tisk! I know a lot of you skipped over the lyrics to the song, didn't you?**

**So, I'm evil! Once again! Any guesses as to what the hell happened? LOL. I really love this chapter…it's definitely my favorite so far!**

**-Snyder-**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**CHAPTER: 14**

Ringing echoed throughout Catherine's bedroom. She sprang upright in bed so fast that you'd think she had fallen onto a hot stove. Slightly dizzy from her quick movement, she blinked a few times as tears fell down her face.

"Oh god…oh no." She whispered, literally shaking. "G—Gil...Oh god! No, No, No!" She faintly gasped.

She felt hollow inside, as if her heart had been ripped out along with the rest of her insides. She looked like hell. Her face was clammy and drenched in sweat. She gasped for breaths as her body physically relived what went on_ in_ her head moments ago. She felt like she was going to pass out. The features on her face were marred as she shook. She wept.

She was still crying when she realized her damn phone was ringing. She gazed at it for a few moments, trying to steady her breathing before she answered it. Taking a deep breath through the tears that were still falling, she hesitantly reached for it. Staring at it vibrating in her hand, she flipped it open.

"Y—yeah?" She said, not even bother to answer by her last name as she always did. She was still trying to process what the hell was going on when a man on the other line spoke.

"Catherine?" Are you—" He was cut off, unable to finish his question.

"Gil! Oh my god!" She literally screamed. She swore she'd jumped 5 feet off the bed. She pulled her phone from her ear to stare at it and, sure enough, the caller I.D. said, Gil Grissom.

_How did I not see that before I answered?_

"Catherine, are you ok? I've been trying to call you." Gil asked concerned, immediately straightening up in his chair. His heart was now racing at the same pace as hers.

Catherine sat mesmerized. It was a dream, everything, a dream. No, no…it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. She was beginning to get her strength back, but she was still in horror.

_It was a dream…all of it, a dream…but, it seemed so real. Too real._

"Catherine?" Gil asked again.

Catherine pulled the phone back to her ear after hearing him call her name.

"Yeah?"

"I asked if you were ok."

"Yeah, everything's fine."

"Are you sure?" Gil asked, aware of her unsteady voice.

"Yeah, I'm ok. Just a bad dream."

_Oh god_. He thought. _She had another nightmare._

"Oh…so…you sure you're ok then?" He asked again. Someone how he didn't believe her.

_Am I ok? He's asking me if I'm ok. If he only knew… _

"Yes, Gil, I'm fine. Did you need something?"

"Well, I—" His mind temporarily at a loss for words. He'd completely forgotten what he called her for; too focus on Catherine. _Work, right. _He mentally stabilized himself. "I was just wondering if you're coming into work today." He asked, although the only thing on his mind right now was the concern he had about her dream. _She seemed so upset when she answered._

"I was planning on it, why?" She answered as her heart still rapidly constricted. She felt as if her chest was going to explode. She wondered if she was dreaming now. That maybe she was going to wake up and find that Gil had indeed died. She had to see him to know for sure.

"Well, you're late." He exclaimed.

Catherine looked over at the clock. She had overslept by over three hours; her shift starting a little over an hour ago.

_How could I have over slept?_ She checked her alarm clock; it was set but never went off.

"Weird." She muttered, unaware that she had spoken out loud.

"What's weird?" Gil asked, hearing her over the line.

"Huh? Oh, nothing, Gil. Sorry, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"It's ok, Catherine. Take your time, it's a slow day. Just curious as to why you weren't here." That was true, but that wasn't the only reason he called her. Gil was also worried about her. He needed to know that she was alright.

"Ok, thanks, Gil. And, Gil?"

"Yeah, Catherine?"

"Um…never mind. See you at work." She hung up the phone before he could say anything more.

Sighing heavily, she threw what was left of the covers, off of her. She figured by the lack of covers that were left on the bed that her body was physically aware of the nightmare as well; and it had definitely reacted to it in a negative way. The only piece of bedding that was left on her bed was a tangled up sheet that partially covered her before she threw it on the floor to join the rest of the covers.

She wanted…no, she needed to tell him how she felt. She felt like she was getting a second chance at it after the nightmare she had and she damn well wasn't going to throw it away. It felt so real, so real that when she woke up, she still thought that it had happened. That is until she heard Gil's voice. When she does decided to tell him how she feels, she wants to make sure it's the right way and over the phone was not the way she visualized it. That's why she hung up on him. She needed time to think.

_I wish he was here with me._

Gil stared at the phone briefly before hanging it up slowly. He was shocked at the sudden hang up. He couldn't help but wonder what her dream was about and he shivered unconsciously as he contemplated several things.

_It had to be something about the previous case…her and Lindsey possibly? Damn, I wish she'd stay with me, even if it was just for one more night, but of course, I can't ask her that. I know she'd turn it down. She'd probably figure that I'd think she was weak…that, that she couldn't take care of herself. Of course she's not weak. My opinion of her is quite the opposite in fact. I've never met such a strong, though stubborn, woman like she is. She's had a tough life but she made it, pushed past all the negative sides of her life. She's successful at her job and she's raised a beautiful daughter._

Surprisingly, Catherine took longer than normal to get ready. She knew she was late and she desperately wanted to see Gil, but she paced herself. She couldn't run around the house like a mad woman crying. She was mad about her alarm clock, pissed that she hadn't heard it go off. That nightmare on the other hand, well, it _was_ the last straw. It was just too damn much. She could never disregard what her mind was telling her. She now knew what it would be like to loose Gil.

She shook while in the shower. She shook as she slowly got dressed. She couldn't control her tremors. She had no idea what she was going to tell Gil, but she was sure he'd have questions…especially after the way she answered the phone.

As she stepped out of the shower, she froze.

_Oh god, I can't face him. _

She almost forgot with all that had been running through her mind. Those few words, that sentence that she practically screamed in his face, "...how I slept my way up the ladder by staying at my supervisors house all weekend and fucking him until—" she repeated out loud as she looked at herself in the mirror. She shook her head and began to cry again. She never meant it the way it came out. She knew Gil would never do something like that.

Catherine didn't know how she was going to face him. She recalled the look on his face the last time she saw him and it was pure anguish. She felt as if she had shattered his heart. He had taken care of her all weekend and what did he get in return?

A put down. A dagger in his heart.

_You're quite the fuck up, Catherine. _She silently cursed herself. She really was. She might possibly have ruined the greatest and loyalist friendship she had ever had.

**A/N: Well, what did you think? See, I didn't kill him off! Or did I? (Evil Laugh). Ok, Ok, so here's a hint. When I write a character death story, I will ALWAYS (at least I think I will) put in the description, 'character death.' Now, before you go to look over the description of the story to see if I put it in there, go review like good little readers! **

**-Snyder-**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**CHAPTER: 15**

Catherine finished getting ready. She was still hesitant as to what to render to Gil. There were so many things that needed to be said and cleared up.

"If it were only that simply." She muttered.

After speaking to her mom and asking her to look after Lindsey, she quickly locked the house and made her way to the Denali.

As she got into her SUV she vastly shut the door and then locked it. She remained there for a few minutes not even bothering to start the car. As much as she wanted to see Gil she wasn't sure if she was ready.

_Ugh, I don't make any sense! _She mused as she started to shake once again.

"Get a grip, Catherine, it was only a dream. Gil's safe and sound back at the lab. He's not bleeding, not fighting for his life with 2 bullets lodged in his chest. He's ok." She tried to reassure herself.

She momentarily closed her eyes but immediately repent as all of the occurrences of the nightmare flooded back into her veins. Flashing in her eyes were the horrid images of Gil. It's like they were flashing in her mind with an old movie projector; slowly, one at a time. Gradual movements: running upstairs, into the room, spotting Gil, running over to him, tears, crying, reaching for him, more tears, pressure to his chest, hoping, wishing, praying, screaming, anger, sirens, crimson red, confessions of love, paramedics arrive, hope, life, death, dropping to her knees, pulling him to her, grasping his body in hers, pleading with god, and then extinction.

Catherine was sobbing. She couldn't get these images out of her head; it's almost as if they were on play back, playing over and over in her head. The images were toying with her. Catherine realized that her former nightmares were going to soon be replaced with this one and she also knew that she wouldn't be able to cope with it for much longer. She thought her previous nightmares were horrible but they were nothing compared to this. Losing her best friend, her 'secret' lover over and over again was beginning to take a toll on her already.

She needed to talk to Gil tonight.

Slowly she turned the car on. She wanted to leave before her mother showed up and started asking questions. The last thing she felt like doing was describing to her mom the _new _fears that engulfed her body. It was getting ridiculous, quite ludicrous actually. Every time her and her mom talk about work it always, in some way or another, ended up leading to a fight; usually about how much she works.

Gil wasn't sure whether or not to ask Catherine about her dream. He didn't want to push her to talk about something she wasn't comfortable with but it made him uncomfortable to just pretend it didn't happen. Technically it wasn't any of his business but it really scared him…and not many things frightened Gil.

_When she answered the phone, it was almost like…almost like she was surprised to hear my voice. _Gil leaned back in his chair and continued to ponder over the phone call….a few moments later, his eyes widened. _What did she want to say to me? She said, 'never mind' but it had to be something. Oh hell, this is going to drive me insane!_

Thirty more minutes had passed and Catherine still wasn't there.

_No big deal. She's probably just taking her time since I told her not to rush. _He conceived as he tried to get some of the paper work done that seemed to be pilling up on his desk.

Every time he heard a noise outside of his office he would look up with anticipation hoping to see her strife through his office door as if nothing was wrong; but after the at least 10th time, he gave up.

No matter how hard he tried to clear his mind and concentrate on work, Catherine kept appearing at the top of his priorities. It was all he seemed to be thinking about lately. He frowned. Every time he thought about the both of them, he ended up deducing every little possibility of him and Catherine ever possibly being together, into nothing. He felt so much love for her. He had a special place in his heart for her and although he figured she'd never know, she did and always would own a piece of his heart.

_Always and forever._

He knew it sounded cheesy but it was true. Catherine was his everything. He truly did need her. He just couldn't bring himself to say it. A typical story; he didn't want to lose what he had with her which was a great friendship…and he didn't want to run the risk of tainting that friendship.

He had already talked to Nick, Warrick and Sara earlier in the shift. He recalled the conversation and how he impressively got away with the fake, though very idiotic story he came up with about his bruised lip. A weak smile appeared on his face as he closed his eyes:

"_Don't you just love Mondays?" Gil asked, happy that it was time to work once more. _

_He was actually looking forward to seeing Catherine more than anything, though he would never admit it. More to the point though, he was pretending to put on a 'happy' face while desperately trying to come up with some sort of explanation to tell them about his 'slight misfortune." _

"_No." Warrick simply stated._

"_God I hate Mondays!" Sara complained._

"_None of them looked up yet." Gil thought, "This could be good. It could work…no, no…there's no way I could get through the rest of the week without either of them seeing my face." He mused. "__Although it does look a lot better than it did."_

"_Why." Gil asked innocently enough. _

_Just then, Sara looked into his eyes as if to say, "You've got to be kidding me…" when she saw his face._

"_Gil, what the hell happened to you?" She asked concerned, causing everyone else to look up at him._

"_Um, just a great night at the bar." He proclaimed, never even comprehending what he managed to rattle off his tongue. _

"_Oh this is going to be good." He thought as he unconsciously rubbed the back of his head._

"_Seriously?" Warrick asked, amazed that his boss would even step foot into a bar unless it was for a case; let alone end up in a fight._

"_Yes." He clearly stated. Gil had that 'don't ask me twice about it' tone to his voice and ignoring their awing stares, he continued, "So, what's on the to-do list today?" _

"_Since when do you go to bars?" Nick chimed in as a smirk appeared on his face, completely ignoring his boss' question. He couldn't help it; he was curious…almost proud of Grissom for finally getting some sort of life._

_Gil just glared at him for a moment before coming up with something to say._

"_Well, now you know why I hate bars and why I __**don't**__ go to them. Never again." He joked while shaking his head. He had to try a new approach. The serious stern tone never worked and he'd say anything to conclude the subject before any further 'interrogation' into this matter was brought up._

_Sara opened her mouth as if to ask another question when Ecklie walked into the room._

"_It's a slow Monday so I'm going to allow you all to go home, but you have to be on call in case something comes up. Keep your cell phones on and near you. Got it?" They all nodded and eagerly got up. Quickly nodding to Gil they said no more as they headed down the hallway to leave._

_Grissom turned to face Ecklie and looked at him quizzically. _

"_And?"_

"_Gil, I need you to stay here and finish those damn evaluations. Where's Catherine?" He asked, looking around. "I haven't seen her all shift."_

_Gil shrugged. _

"_She's not here yet. I'm not sure where she is." He was a bit concerned but it was too early for him to panic._

"_Call her and make sure she gets here." Ecklie stated, noting Gil's shoulders briefly tense up at the mentioning of her name._

"_Why does she need to be here? You just sent everyone else home—"_

"_Because I need to have 2 people here on shift minimum and she's the senior CSI above the rest of them. That's why. Anymore questions?"_

_Gil just looked at him and shook his head._

"_And what the hell happened to you anyway?"_

_Gil just sighed and turned around, shuffling his feet as he walked out of the room and into his office; leaving a very confused, Ecklie behind. Shutting the door behind him he took a deep breath and slowly made his way to his desk to dial Catherine's number. He really was beginning to wonder where she was._

Gil sighed as he sank deeper into his chair after thinking about the conversation that occurred in the beginning of shift.

_At least I'm off the hook with the bruised lip questions. At least for now anyways._

Catherine was outside his office watching him through the window. She could hear the gears in his head turning as she watched him while in deep thought. She wanted to run in there, wrap her arms around him and never let go but she figured that wouldn't go over very well. He just looked so worried, so tired, so upset.

_So…happy?_ She speculated as she saw a small smirk appear on his face, only to disappear a moment later. He really does look like hell. _I bet he was up all night. _She mused as she took a deep breath and hesitantly began to open his office door.

**A/N: So, what did ya think? Last chapter I had more reviews than any other chapter, so I thank you all!**

**-Snyder-**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**CHAPTER: 16**

Once the door clicked, she leisurely walked into his office and then shut it once more. She made her way over towards his desk calm and collective-like, though she felt anything but. The tears had since dried up and before she got out of her car, she managed to reapply her smudged make-up. After Eddie, she learned how to cover up anything.

God she was happy to see his face; his ocean blue orbs looking up to meet hers. She unconsciously shook and for the first time since she had woken up, she realized that he was ok. It was a nightmare. Gil wasn't covered in blood. He was safe and sound sitting behind his desk where he always is.

She's standing in front of him now, looking directly into his face and taking him all in. She could smell him, his after shave or perhaps his own natural 'Gil' scent. It was overwhelming. You would think he'd smell like his 'little crawling critters' but he smelled amazing. She knew that he never wore cologne because of his job but there was no need for him to. She unconsciously licked the top of her bottom lip when she gave him the once over.

_Damn, he's wearing that coat…that same fucking coat he always seems to be wearing. What is it with his obsession with coats? _She pondered and then her brain had caught up. _He doesn't like the look of himself. _She frowned. _I wish he'd realize that there's nothing wrong with him…practically every woman around here drools over him. He is definitely one hunk._ Catherine deduced as another surge to want to reach up and touch him, just to feel him under her fingers, shot through her veins.

Gil heard the door open and close and immediately looked up to see her. She was clearly in another world when she stopped in front of his desk and this put a smile on his face. He could tell she was staring at him and he'd only hoped that she was thinking about him as well.

"Catherine, do you like what you see?" He asked in his 'all too cute of a man' voice.

"Huh? What, Gil?" She stammered.

_Oh shit, he didn't catch me looking at him, did he?_

"You were staring at me…again."

"I was? Oh sorry, just thinking."

"I see." He exclaimed, though inside he was laughing hysterically.

"So…where is everyone?" She asked, taking a seat in front of his desk. She desperately wanted to change the subject. There was no need to voice her thoughts right now.

"I take it you didn't talk to Ecklie?"

"No…should I have?"

Gil shook his head.

"No, not really. I just figured that the moment you walked through the doors, he'd bombard you to make sure you're here and to make sure you stayed here. He sent everyone else home because it's so 'dead' here today…no pun intended. Of course _we_ still have to be here."

"What the hell for?"

"Well, he told me I have to finish up my evaluations since I'm already late on them…and you because he wants 2 people here and since you out rank the others—" He shrugged his shoulders, then looked back down at his paperwork.

"Great. So…what the heck am I suppose to do? I don't have any paperwork to do. Unlike you, I actually keep up with mine." Gil smirked, his head still buried in his paperwork.

"Good then you can help me."

"I can't do your evaluations for you." She hollered.

"Of course you can. Just…here." He said, tossing a pile of papers on the corner of his desk in front of her. "There's nothing to it really. I already filled out the 'main' parts; just do the political side of it for me. We all know you're better at that part anyways. Besides, Ecklie will just be happy that it's done."

Catherine sighed and grabbed the pile of folders that were on the corner of his desk and started to get up.

"Where are you going?" Gil asked. He figured that if she helped him then she could stay in his office and work here. It gave him a reason to spend more time with her…even if they were doing paperwork. It was a stupid plan, really, but he didn't expect her to leave.

"To a desk where I can sprawl out and get this crap done." She hissed.

"We can share you know." She looked at him not sure if he was kidding or not but when she saw him start to clear off part of his desk, she knew he wasn't.

"Ok." Was all she managed to say as she pulled her chair up and sat at his desk.

A few minutes later, Gil felt guilty. Exhaling deeply, he set his pen down and reached for her right hand, grasping her hand and the pen that was in it.

"Catherine, you don't have to do this. It's my paperwork, not yours. It's my responsibility."

When she felt Gil's hand on hers she momentarily froze. She felt her heart skip a beat. The slight touch that she was waiting for made her whole body shiver. His hand was warm to the touch and it felt nice resting on the top of hers.

"It's ok, Gil. I wouldn't do anything that I didn't want to do and you know what."

Gil accepted that and with a small smile, he slowly let his hand slip off hers.

They worked for about a half hour without any words being muttered. Occasionally one of them would sigh, stretch and then go back to writing but other than that, nothing.

After a couple hours had passed, Catherine put her pen down and looked at Gil who was still focused on his paper work.

"Gil, I'm hungry." She stated.

"What do you want me to do about it?" He said without even looking up.

She rolled her eyes.

"Some man you are…way to take control." Gil looked up from his paperwork quizzically. "Let's order some food."

"Ok…" He said cautiously. "What sounds good?"

"I don't know how about a sandwich from Frankie's Sub Shop? They have good sandwiches…plus they deliver here."

"Ok, do you want to order or do you want me to?"

"You can." She said smiling at him.

After Gil called in the order, he took his glasses off and stretched. Catherine figured he was just stretching until he set his glasses on the desk, pushed his chair back and stood up. He started to walk away from his desk when Catherine caught his attention.

"And just where the hell do you think you're going?"

He turned to look back at her with his eyebrow raised.

"To the couch." He simply stated, caught off guard by her tone. Turning back around, he made his way to the couch. "I like to lay down in here. It's dark and peaceful." He sat down and then swung his body so that he could lay down fully extended.

"I know. I see you laying down in here a lot. I thought it was because you had a bad head ache…or because you wanted to be left alone."

"Sometimes both…" He admitted. "But sometime I like to lay down in here to think or because I couldn't sleep at home."

"Ah, good to know."

A few minutes went by when Gil opened his eyes once more and turned to look at Catherine. Catherine was still looking at his lying form on the couch.

"Catherine, what's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong, why?"

"Well, because when I called you…you seemed spooked; like you were surprised to hear my voice." He declared, unable to hold in his questions in any longer.

"I—It was just…just a bad dream, that's all." She said, hoping he'd leave it at that.

Gil looked at her for a few more minutes and then closed his eyes once more. He was still thinking about the dream she had that she wouldn't tell him about and it only made him more desperate to find out what it was about. He wanted her to confide in him, but he figured she wouldn't. He had to give it another try though.

"Catherine?"

"Yes, Gil?" Catherine asked as she tried to get comfortable in the chair.

"What was it about?"

"What was what about?" She knew what he was talking about but she wanted to stall as long as possible, not that it would help.

Gil just looked at her. He knew that she knew what he was talking about.

"Avoidance, Catherine. It's not very becoming of you."

"What do you want me to say, Gil? What do you want me to tell you?"

"The truth." He whispered as he sat upright and planted his feet firmly on the ground once more. He looked at the ground, then back up to her. Biting his lip, he turned and patted the couch; summoning her to sit next to him.

She looked at him for a few moments, wondering what she should do. Gil sighed, and figured she wasn't going to budge when she slowly sat up and struggled to make her way across his office and onto his couch.

That's when, for the first time, Gil noticed her falling tears dampening her face.

"What is it, Cath?" He said, using his thumb to wipe away a few tears that had begun to fall.

"I just…I had another nightmare."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No!" She quickly yelped and grasped onto Gil's arm.

His eyes widened.

"Catherine." He turned fully to face her, wrapping both arms around her small frame. "Was it the same nightmare that you've been having?"

She shook her head. "No, it was different…but I don't want to talk—" She was cut off.

"Come stay with me tonight." Her head shot up. She sure in the hell didn't expect him to say that.

"Gil?" She asked, unsure of what he had just said. "I can't ask that of you again."

"You're not asking, I am. Catherine…" He began as he stumbled on his words. "Catherine, did you ever stop and think that maybe I need you just as much as you need me?"

Catherine looked into his eyes and held his glare; she saw something in his eyes, but she wasn't sure what. A strong friendship? Fear? Love perhaps?

_No, he doesn't love me. Not, Gil Grissom. I'm just trying to see things that aren't there._

Catherine swallowed hard and weakly responded.

"Ok, Gil."

Fortunately there were no cases that came up so Gil and Catherine managed to sneak out of there a few hours early.

Gil drove back to Catherine's house so she could pick up a few things. He was waiting in her living room as he pondered over her nightmare. Lately, it was he could think about.

_God, she sounded so scared…and this was something new! What could she be dreaming about now? The Catherine I know has never sounded that scared even over the nightmares she had when she was over at my place. Upset, yes. Scared, no._

When she came out of her bedroom, Gil was still sitting on the couch. She paused mid-step in the doorway to examine him. His head was back against the couch and she could tell by the features that plagued him that he was in deep thought. He looked…scared? Unsure.

_Maybe he's regretting inviting me over?_

"Catherine?" He mumbled as both their thoughts were now left behind.

"Ugh yeah, Gil."

"You ready?"

_Well, I guess he's not thinking twice about inviting me over…but something's on his mind._

"Yeah, Gil. Let's get the hell out of here."

**A/N: Yay! Another chapter so quick! So, any thoughts? ) Now, don't review! (Reverse psychology) LOL**

**-Snyder-**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**CHAPTER: 17**

The drive to Gil's townhouse was quiet. None of them spoke as he made his way closer and closer to their destination, but none of them seemed to care. It was a bit awkward but they knew each other and knew that things would be alright. They always were and always would be.

Although they weren't talking, their brains were on overdrive; both having the same thing in their minds. Want…and a need to be together. It wasn't necessarily about love at this moment in time, but more about a need to be in sync and mutually combined as one. They needed to hold each other and comfort each other in the times that were needed most and if they melted as one during this time, that would be alright.

Catherine trembled at the horrors that were built up inside of her. She just wanted to scream, let it out but even more so, she just wanted to be held. The only problem was…was Gil going to be the one willing to hold her?

When he pulled into his driveway, he shut off the SUV and slowly turned to look at her.

"We're here." He quietly mumbled.

Catherine rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for the letting me know." She said, joking at the fact that it was obvious. He seemed nervous like he wasn't sure what else to say.

Unlocking the door to his townhouse in one swift motion he allowed Catherine to enter first.

_I wonder where I'm going to sleep. Will he let me sleep with him again? Let me curl up in his arms…rest my head on his chest? God it felt so good, so damn comforting. Even when he curled up in my arms, it made me feel wanted and needed._

Gil shut the door, locked it and then turned on the lights.

"Do you need anything?" He politely asked.

"No, I'm ok, thanks."

"So…you can put your things in my room if you want." He stated, not quite sure of how to approach the situation.

A small smile crept up on her face.

"Okay."

As she turned and made her way to his room, her face beamed with satisfaction, love, contentment and so much more. If she had a horrible nightmare tonight, she'd awake to him.

_I better not punch him again tonight…I'd never see him again if that happened!_

As she abandoned her things on a chair in the corner of his room, she began to exit the bedroom when something caught the corner of her eye. Sitting on the nightstand was Gil's gun. She slowly walked over to his bed and sat on the edge; swiftly grasping his weapon. Moisture engulfed her eyes as she looked at it.

_I was right…he never takes it with him. Not even to work!_

She felt sick as the memories of her nightmare flooded back. She recalled in her nightmare asking herself if he'd carried his gun, if he was the one that had caused the sound.

_Of course there was no way he could have when he leaves his gun at home! _She roared inside.

Gil wondered what was taking her so long.

_Maybe she's changing? _He contemplated. Worried about her, however, he slowly peaked around the corner to find her sitting on the edge of the bed, holding his gun and crying.

"Catherine!" He shrieked, picking up his pace as he made his way over to her and grabbed the gun that lied gently in the palm of her hand. "What are you doing with this?" The way she was looking at it and the way she held it, scared him. She looked as if she were a few feet from the edge. She looked distant and he wasn't sure of her stability right now but he didn't want to take the chance. How was he supposed to know that when she held his gun, she was thinking of_ him_.

"Gil, I—" Her words failed her. She was momentarily stunned.

Repeating the question more sternly, he sat down beside her.

"Catherine, what are you doing with my gun?" He said as he took the clip out.

When she saw him take the clip out…it was like she read his mind. She felt as if she had been slapped in the face…by her own best friend.

_Oh my god, he thought I was considering suicide? He thought I was… _

"Gil! What the hell do you think I was doing with it?" She screamed. She was furious now. How the hell could he think she'd ever do _that_?

He was taken back by her response but his voice didn't falter.

"I'm not sure, Catherine, but how many ways do you expect me to take it when I walk into my bedroom and see you crying while holding _my_ gun?"

"Why don't you ever take it to work?" She asked out of the blue. He voice was so soft that he had to lean in to hear her.

He stared at her for a split second. He wasn't sure where the hell that question came from.

"I do take it to work, I keep it in my—"

"Kit, I know. _Never_ on you!" She finished for him. She was angry but she wasn't sure if she was more angry with him or with herself.

"Catherine…I left it at home today by accident. I was cleaning it last night and forgot to put it away." He paused. "Are you ok, Catherine, because you're scaring me?"

She saw that look in his eyes. They seemed darker at the moment as he continued to stare at her like she was some sort of fucking puzzle. She was sick of this bullshit. She roughly got up off the bed, grabbed her bag on the chair and walked out of the room. It took Gil a few moments for his brain to catch up, but when it did he was quickly behind her.

"Catherine, where are you going?" He questioned as he turned the corner just in time to see her reach up to unlock the door.

"I'm leaving, Gil! Take me home."

His heart shattered.

"But…Why?" He almost pleaded with her. "Don't go." He held his head down like an innocent child who had just been scolded.

She turned around and walked right up to his face, mere inches away.

"Do you really think I'd kill myself, Gil? Do you really think that?" She was pissed and he knew it.

Gil swallowed hard. He was on chartered territories here. Thin ice and he knew it. He knew he had to be careful so he chose his words wisely.

"I wasn't sure, Catherine. If that's not what you were thinking, then why…why were you holding my gun?" With no answer, he continued. "I had no reason to believe otherwise—"

He was unable to finish his sentence as Catherine fell into him. He was startled at first. He almost thought, for a split second, that she was coming after him; but when her arms wrapped around his waist, he swiftly reached and encaged her in his. Her hands made fists in his coat, holding onto him for dear life. She had given up as her walls crumbled to the ground as she let this man into her heart. Her deepest fear at the time…she wasn't going to hide this from him any longer.

"Catherine, what's wrong?" He asked, holding her just as tight as she was holding him. She was shaking violently and it scared him. He tried to pull away from her slightly to look her in the face but she only grasped onto him tighter.

Her head slid into the crook of his neck and he could feel the tears that ran down her face and onto his cool skin.

When he felt her arms loosen the grip around his waist and slide over his midsection, he thought she was going to pull away; but she only moved her arms briefly and snaked them inside his jacket. They stood that way for at least 10 minutes. All he could do was attempt to sooth her by whispering reassuring nothings into her ear while rocking them back and forth.

Gil had no idea what upset her but once again he would be there for her. Ever so slowly, he was able to make it to the couch. When they sat down they had briefly separated, but Catherine quickly closed the gap once again; practically knocking him on his back.

"Catherine? You have to talk to me." He pleaded. He didn't want to let her go but he needed to talk to her…look her in the eyes and see her face. "Was it something I said or did?" He couldn't help but feel guilty and partially responsible for this. "I'm Sor—"

"No!" She cut him off before he could finish apologizing and begun to cry even more. She felt horrible for making him feel like he was the cause of any of this because it was the furthest thing from the truth.

"No what, sweetheart?" He said, finally able to bring some space between each other; enough so that he could push the hairs that covered her face aside.

She felt so exposed…but she knew that if she was going to be exposed to anyone, Gil would be the man she'd want to be exposed to. She swallowed as she looked up into his eyes for the first time since she practically tackled him.

"My nightmare…I…It…" She struggled. "It was about…you."

Gil definitely didn't expect that and she could tell by the reaction he had.

"What about me?" He urged her to continue.

"You—you were shot. We were called to a crime scene: wife, husband and daughter murdered. It looked like a robbery gone bad. I took the downstairs and you took the upstairs. It was just me and you. The cop said that the house was clear. I started to analyze the kitchen where the husband was killed when I heard 2 gun shots. They…they came from upstairs." She paused as she sobbed. "I ran upstairs to see you…shot twice in the chest. I prayed for you to be ok. There was so…so much blood. I thought the paramedics had brought you back, but…but you were gone. I—I held you but you didn't come back to me. It was too late. It hurt so much, Gil. It still hurts. I thought I had lost you. I had died in that room with you. If felt so real…then when you called me today, my heart restarted. I didn't know if I were dreaming or not but I knew I had to see you…to confirm—" She started sobbing again and pulled Gil back to her.

Gil Grissom was stunned. What she had just told him, he'd never had imaged.

"I—" He started to speak when she cut him off.

"The reason I was holding your gun was because, in the dr—nightmare, I was praying that it was you that had fired the gun…and when I was running up the stairs, I almost broke because—because I remembered that you never carried your gun on you." She informed him. "Th—then when I went to put my stuff in your room, I saw your gun sitting on your nightstand."

Everything hit Gil like a tone of bricks and he felt like an ass.

"Catherine, I'm so sorry. I didn't know." He paused and then added. "But I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere ok?"

She nodded her head as if to signal that she was fine, but she was anything but.

"Please, don't let go of me." She begged.

"Shh, shh. Cath, I'm here. I'm ok, see. I'm not hurt. I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave you." He said as he picked her up and set her on his lap without a second thought.

She only nuzzled into his neck more, as if she were burying herself inside of him; away from her fears. She breathed deep, taking him all in like she did earlier in the day.

After fifteen minutes her sobs seized and her breathing slowed. She had fallen asleep in, Gil's lap. Gil easily stood up with Catherine in his arms and made his way to the bedroom. He ever so gently laid her on the bed and pulled the covers over her. After tucking her in, he softly brushed his lips on her forehead; lingering there longer than he should. It was the first time he'd ever kissed her, even if it was on her forehead, but it fueled something inside of him.

Satisfied that she was ok and still asleep, he stood up and walked to the door; shutting it behind him. He heavily sighed and briefly leaned against the door. A few minutes later, he made his way back to the living room and onto his 'all too familiar' couch.

**A/N: Well? Any thoughts? I have an idea of where this is leading but I'm not sure if it's the correct way or not. **

**So…I ask you guys once more…what are you looking for in the ending of this fic? Ideas? Please let me know! **

**-Snyder-**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**A/N: ****This is still rated T but there's more involvement in this chapter (Winks). Not too much right now, just trying to get a feel for it. More swearing and some sexual situations. No sex.**

**CHAPTER: 18**

Gil was utterly exhausted. He knew there was no way he would be able to fall asleep right now; too many things were on his mind.

_So this is why she was so upset when she answered the phone earlier today? She was dreaming about…me? She sounded so spooked…no wonder. _He mused as he plopped heavily down on the couch. _What the hell am I going to do?_ He continued to contemplate as he tilted his head against the back of the couch with a heavy sigh.

Gil wasn't always the best at fusing situations no matter what they were about. Well, that's not entirely true. If it had something to do with his 'baby,' yes, his work, _then_ he was at his prime…but 'relationship' wise…no way in hell. He hardly ever communicated well with people. Let's face it, Lady Heather was right. He didn't want anyone to know how he felt or what he was thinking because if they did, then they'd know him. Lady Heather seemed to know him so well that it scared him. The only question now was: did he want Catherine know him?

He started to close his eyes only to re-open them with tears streaming down his face. Gil Grissom hardly ever cried. Most importantly, he never cried when anyone was around but now…now he couldn't help himself. He felt guilty. He had accused her of being…suicidal? What the hell was he thinking? He knew it didn't sound like something she'd do, but he couldn't disregard it that quickly. He didn't want to take the chance.

His sight was blurring from the tears that seemed to swallow his eyes, that he didn't even notice that Catherine had come out of the room and was now standing about five feet away from him, watching him. She was taking him all in. It was only until she had sat down next to him and began to wipe his tears away gently with her thumb, that he noticed. He was startled at first by her delicate touch.

"Gil, don't cry." He shook and tilted his head towards her thumb.

"I'm so sorry, Catherine." He continued to cry and this once again alarmed Catherine. Gil was such a strong man…it shattered her to see him like this. In all the years that she had known Gil, she could count on one hand the number of times she saw him cry.

_Or have I ever seen him cry?_

"What are you sorry for, Gil? You did nothing wrong."

"I—I accused you of…" He couldn't even say it to her face.

"Gil, you were only concerned…" She put one hand under his chin and raised his head so that he was eye level with her. "…and I thank you for that." She exclaimed. "I should be the one that's sorry. I'm surprised you're even talking to me after what I said to you." Gil thought for a moment but came up with nothing. Sensing his confusion, she continued. "Gil…when I left your house last time I was here…I, um…well, I said some things to you that I shouldn't have said. I know you're not the type of man to…" She paused and put her head down, "To 'fuck' a woman like that…like…" This time it was Gil that placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head.

"Catherine, I'll admit that that really hurt me. I thought you knew me. I thought you knew that I'd never do something like that…especially to you." He mumbled and she winced.

"Is that why you're crying? Am I the reason you're crying?" She urged herself to question him.

"There's no single reason, Cath, it's just…complicated, but I know that it has nothing to do with what you said to me."

"Will you do me a favor?" He looked up at her with his beautiful, though teary eyed, orbs of his. "Please stop crying, for me? It hurts me to see you hurt." Catherine said.

"I can do that." He mumbled, pulling her in for a brief hug.

"How about we go to bed?" She offered. "I'm sure you're tired…you look exhausted and I know I am." She surrendered.

"Sounds good to me…so, that means you're staying here?"

She nodded as she got to her feet and then reached her hands out to him for leverage. He eagerly took them.

Mutually, they both walked into the bedroom; Gil following Catherine. At this point, there was no need to question where each of them were going to sleep. It was like they both knew, like it was natural occurrence that all old married couples did.

Both of them walked to 'their' side of the bed and pulled back the covers.

Catherine was caught off guard when Gil started to undress. Slowly, almost too slow, he took off his coat and then made his way to his button-up shirt. Once his shirt was off, all he had left was a pair of slacks and a plain white, though very form, t-shirt. He carefully toed his shoes and socks off, and then made his way to his belt before unzipping his pants and unbuttoning them.

Catherine just stared in awe as he stood before her in only a tight…yes, very tight white t-shirt and a pair of dark blue boxers.

_He undressed…in front of me. I guess he's not embarrassed anymore._

She looked back into his eyes to grin at him and he saw it. With the bathroom light on, shinning into the bedroom, her features and curves were outlined…she looked like an angel. She started to take off her clothes when Gil spoke up.

"Cath, you don't have to…I can go—"

"No, Gil. I know I don't have to…but I want to. You trusted me…and I trust you." She revealed.

Slowly she unbuttoned her coat that was still on. Making her way to her shirt, she paused briefly and looked up at Gil. He was burning holes into her with his eyes.

And that's when she saw it. The moment she knew…or thought she knew. She swore she saw it and at that very moment, something in the pit of her stomach told her to be bold.

_Love…I love him and I have to tell him. _She mused as she continued to stare into his eyes. _Is that…is that love? Love I see in Gil Grissom's eyes? No…it couldn't be…could it?_

"Gil, come over here."

_What? She wants me to come over to her? Something's in here eyes…they're sparkling in the dimly lit room. No, no, no, knock it off, Gil, you're just seeing things._

"Cath…" He hesitated. He wanted to touch her so badly, skin to skin, but he knew he couldn't.

"Please." She said, dangling her hands back at her sides.

_Or maybe I can… _Gil thought as he slowly made his way towards Catherine. His steps were steady yet unsure.

Once he made his way to her, stopping less than a foot away, Catherine reached up and cupped his face in her dainty hands.

"Undress me, Gil." At this, Gil's mind went out of control and Catherine knew it. She saw it in his eyes as they widened to the max. "Gil, do you trust me?"

"With all my heart, but—"

"Don't think, Gil, just do…do what your heart tells you to do."

Gil let go. He loved this woman so…so very much. And he kept telling himself that as he made his way painfully slow behind her and softly placed his hands on her hips. His hands lingered on her delicate formed hips for a few moments and then started to move. She gasped as he ever so slowly grabbed the sides of her shirt and pulled it over her head; his finger tips tracing lines up her sides, grazing over her ribs as he made his way up.

She shivered in response. When the shirt was off, she stood there in slacks and a black lacey bra. Turning, she looked into Gil's eyes and all she saw was love. Now she had to confirm it.

"Gil…I love you." She spoke quietly though never taking her eyes off of his. "I don't know if you feel the same way, but I've loved you for a long time and my feelings for you have only increased because of the time we've spent together lately. I know you've been taking care of me and I appreciate it…but I feel more, Gil. I can't help it. I tried to push my feelings aside because of the friendship we have…but I can't. I'm sorry. I just…I just can't imagine my life without you. You've always been there for me and I can't believe it took me this long to tell you. I guess…in a way it was good that I had that dream. When I woke up and realized how my life would be without you in it, I panicked; I felt as if half of me were missing. I guess the only thing I can ask of you now is: do you feel the same way? If you don't then I understand and we can forget this ever happened. It'll never be mention again…but if—"

His eyes went from wide eyed to pure joy. Pure love. A smile crept up on his face as he reached up to cup Catherine's face in his hands; both of them softly caressing each others faces while imaging the love they could possibly share together.

"Yes, Catherine." He swallowed, gathering the courage up to continue, "I've loved you for so long. I ache for you. You ARE my everything. I just thought…thought you didn't feel the same for me as I do for you. You can have anyone you want…so I just thought that…well, you know. I _do_ know that I want to be with you all the time and knowing that I could never have you…it hurt so badly. More than you'll ever know. I love you, Catherine Willows…" He said as he gently rubbed her cheek with his thumb.

"Gil, you'll always have me and the only man I want is the one that is standing in front of me." She told him, pulling him into a tight embrace to reinforce her words.

"And you'll always have me." Gil whispered as he slowly rubbed small circles on the small of her back.

"Gil?"

"Yes?" He asked, pulling away for her embrace.

"Kiss me." She simply stated. She'd been waiting for so long to be able to kiss him. She always wondered what it would feel like to kiss the magnificent, Gil Grissom. To feel his hands on her, all over her…his tongue…and now, now she was going to finally find out.

Gil nodded his head in agreement and slowly leaned in. He had been told several times that he was a good kisser…amongst other things, most of them having to do with him being naked in bed with a women, but he never felt comfortable with himself.

Almost seductively at first, he tiled his head down. Gil wasn't a man that had much self esteem; at least not in this field.

When he titled his head down, she could feel his hot breath on her moist lips. He hesitated and she sensed it; it was as if his eyes were asking permission. Catherine decided to help him out and leaned in to close the gap between them; their delicate lips meeting for the first time. Tasting and feeling each other; experiencing what they've always wanted.

Gil was so gentle. He was a gentleman and never tried to take more than was given to him, so after a few moments, he pulled away. Catherine slowly opened her eyes and looked at him suspiciously.

Her arms found his hips and repeated the same action that he had done to her; gripping his t-shirt and agonizingly slow, she pulled the shirt up over his head. He raised no objects as he lifted his arms for her, willingly complying.

Once the shirt was off, she tossed it to the floor behind him and dragged her hands and nails across his shoulders where they rested on his chest.

_Ohhh, a non-hairy chest…very sexy. _She licked her lips unconsciously and Gil smirked.

"See something you like?" He asked as his eyes flickered with love.

"Oh yeah…" She whispered in his ear and then briefly flicking her tongue on the tip of it.

Gil shook as she flicked her tongue onto his ear and exerted a gasp, not expecting her sudden action. When she did this, his mouth opened ever so slightly and Catherine took the chance and slipped her tongue slightly into his mouth. He instinctively grasped at her waist and pulled her up against his body. They both inhaled deeply at the contact that had never been made until this very moment. Skin to skin contact and fuck did it feel good.

"Hmmm…" Gil moaned into her mouth as she seductively traced his bottom lip with her tongue, trying to gain further entrance.

She didn't even get a chance to trace his whole lip before Gil thrashed out his tongue and met his with hers. Both of them dueling as their hands made there way to each others backs.

"So sexy." She murmured in between short breaths. She knew he would blush at the statement, she knew him too well, but she was only telling the truth. This man was _very_ sexy in so many ways…and fuck, does he know how to kiss a woman!

Gil pulled away slightly and Catherine struggled for more contact with him.

"Cath…you are the most beautiful woman I've laid eyes on. I love you very much…but—"

"But what, Gil?" She asked and pulled out of his grasp.

"Are you sure about this?"

She gave no response at first. She just looked into his darkening eyes and then stepped towards him once more. Gil looked at her quizzically until she reached down and cupped him through his boxers. His manhood twitched in response.

"Is this a good enough answer because it sure feels like, to me anyways, you're ready?" She grinned as she began to stoke him through his pants.

"Uhh, Oh god…Ca—Catherine…" He moaned and attacked her more forcefully this time.

"Gil, don't ever doubt my love for you." She sternly told him before she met her lips with his once more. His only comply was a nod and a slight moan as she continued to rub him up and down through his now very tight pants.

When she released him a few moments later, he whined in protest.

"Gil…you didn't finish undressing me." She whined as his lips made their way to her neck.

"Well, I always finish what I start." He beamed.

**A/N: Well, how was it? There's more...I'm just deciding whether or not to make it more...graphic or leave it at a T rating. ) Reviews are always appreciated. Thanks!  
-Snyder-**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**Rating:** This chapter will be rated **M**.

**A/N:** Read this before you begin reading this Chapter!  
This chapter, I've decided to make a little more graphic. I couldn't help myself. It was my plan since the beginning to have this story become a rated M fic. Having said that, it will _**only**_ be this chapter. I repeat: For this chapter only, it is rated M. If you don't want to read this chapter, than feel free to skip it and wait for the next update! Chapter 20 will be rated T. Thanks!

**CHAPTER: 19**

He looked into her eyes as he made his way to her pants. Ever so slowly, Gil unbuttoned her slacks and then unzipped them. He continued to look into her eyes for any sign of regret but he found none.

Once her pants were loose, he slowly began to slip them off. As they started to fall, his hands traced along her outer legs all the way down until he reached her knees. Once at her knees, he stopped and placed two feather light kisses on her thighs; one on each leg. After giving each of her smooth legs an equal amount of attention, he pulled her pants down the rest of the way and she eagerly stepped out of them.

Gil was so delicate…so compassionate and with each touch, he sent waves of pleasure through her core. He tended to her in such a precise form that she was consumed in every sense of the word, 'detail.'

At first, he was afraid he might hurt her and he wasn't even sure why. In his head, it was almost like his mind was taking snap shots of her every thirty seconds. He could never forget this moment but as he became more familiar with her and their newly found situation at hand…he knew he wasn't going to lose her. She would always have him and he would always have her.

That fear he so worried about, shed off of his skin and was left to fade away in the background.

When he stood back up; his eyes roamed over her flawless body. She may be in her forties but her body said differently. She was tone. Oh, how tone her figure was…and tan in all the right places. The curves that covered this woman were enough to make a man scream.

She stood there before him in only a black lace bra and a black laced thong. Her soft breast, though her bra still on, rubbing up against his chest area as he stood up. Catherine took a step forward to cover their minor distance. It felt good. So good. Gil had never felt so high before. So close together. So close. Excruciatingly close.

She started to reach for his belt when he swiftly gathered her hands in his.

"Not yet my dear. I'm still undressing you." His boyish smirk came out to play.

She didn't speak as she let her hands slip out his and replaced them on his chest. She rubbed her hands around his chest exploring him for the first time. In all of their time together, as friends, she had not once seen his chest, let alone felt it. Yes, so she finally saw him last weekend while they laid in bed together but that doesn't even come close to a comparison on how she felt right now.

He let her feel him, rub him and anything else she wanted to do while he expertly reached behind her back with one hand and undid her bra. Once undone, it loosely lay on her shoulders. He made no attempt, at first, to pull it off. She pulled back her arms and was about to peal it off of herself when he bent down to the valley of her breast and bit down on the material; pulling it away from her. Her hands immediately went into his hair.

_No man had ever done this before._ _This is a very…very new approach in the art of removing clothing. _Catherine mused. She was loving this and grinned in response; tilting her head back slightly.

Gil pulled the bra back at an angle, bending down to do so so that once the bra was off, his eyes were in perfect range of her breasts. He opened his mouth slightly and let the bra slip out as he affectionately brushed his hand over her right breast; his thumb rubbing firmly over the nipple. He repeated this action with the left breast as he began to stand back up. Once upright, his mouth went directly to her breast and sucked on it; his tongue swirling around the nipple. Oh god did she taste good.

Meanwhile, the pleasure that was filling Catherine was intense. She'd been wet ever since he started undressing her but it was nothing compared to what she was feeling now.

_Sexy._

"Oh, god." She mumbled as his tongue licked, his teeth nibbled and his mouth sucked on her nipple. "I knew that tongue was good for more than just teasing people." She managed.

He titled his head up and quizzically looked at her.

"Catherine, I do _not _tease people—"

"The hell you don't! Gilbert Grissom, you really don't realize how fucking sexy you are, do you?"

He was shocked by her wording as she briefly described him but his words didn't falter.

"Well, I don't think of myself as, "fucking sexy" but if you say so." He smirked.

"Gil, every woman at the lab has swooned over you at some point in time."

"Swooned?" He raised an eyebrow at this.

"Yes, swooned!" She kissed him briefly on the lips. "You need to have more self confidence, Gil."

"Anything you say, baby." Gil whispered as last word rolled off his lips. His muscles briefly contracted after realizing what he had said but it didn't seem to upset her. She was smiling.

_Baby…he called me baby? Oohh, I like the sound of that…especially the way he says it. When Eddie called me that, it was more possessive, but with Gil…it was pure love. I wouldn't have picture, Gil, being this__sexy and so…wow…but…oh hell, who am I kidding? _She briefly thought as she wrapped her arms around his neck and attacked his mouth.

Once again, their tongues dueled; none of them seemed to get enough contact with the other. Catherine's hands slid down Gil's back and over his ass, giving it a tight squeeze. Gil gasped into her mouth but never broke the kiss.

Once they both pulled away for air, Catherine looked at him almost in a prize-like state; like he was her prize that she had just won and would be able to do whatever she wanted with.

"My turn." She licked her lips unconsciously.

All that separated her from seeing the "whole" Gil Grissom was a thin pair of boxers and she sure in the hell wasn't going to let that stop her.

"But—you're not completely undressed yet." He almost pouted. She chuckled.

"But, honey, you seem to have more clothes on than me and we can't have that now, can we?" She slid her arms along his sides and onto his ever so slight love handles. He shivered in response.

"Anything you want." He whispered. "But, technically, we have the same amount of clothing on.

"Ooh, I wouldn't say that if I were you." She told him as her hands firmly gripped his waist.

His hands, however, continued to travel over her body; finding new territory that had not yet been examined by him. She slipped her hands into his boxers and gripped his ass, pulling him up against her.

"Hmm, Gil, what a smooth, yet firm ass you have." She chuckled and clutched it tighter.

He only moaned in response because of the feeling of his erection against her upper thigh. Once he was up against her as much as possible, she let her hands drape down his ass and down towards the back of his legs; taking the boxers with her. A few seconds later, the boxers were off, scattered on the floor and forgotten.

For the first time, Catherine was glancing at the manhood of Gil.

"Oh god!" She muttered as her hands slid back up his thighs where they stopped just bellow his butt. By this time, she felt her core drip with enthusiasm.

"What? What's wrong?" He briefly stepped back but she grabbed him and pulled him back to her.

"You've been hiding _that _in your pants this whole time?"

"Catherine…" He blushed.

Typical Gil….he could stand naked in front of a beautiful woman and still manage to blush. He really was inattentive about himself and when it came to how he looked.

"What?" She looked up innocently.

"Cath…I'd…I'd say I'm average for a…Oh God!" He choked out as he felt her lick the tip of his cock.

"You." Lick. "Are." Swirl. "Definitely. " Suck. "NOT." Suck. "Average." She began to stroke him now; taking note in how pleasured and relaxed he looked. "Now, what were you saying?" She chuckled with humor in her tone.

"Catherine…you…you don't have to. I want to undress you and…Oh, god…Fuck!" He gasped as she fully took him into her mouth. He unconsciously rocked in her mouth.

She pulled back and looked at him. "Yes, we will do that too." She laughed as she reached down to the base of his shaft and softly stroked him again; licking and sucking his shaft up and down. "Tell me, Gil, what do you like?" She kissed the top of his throbbing head.

He only whimpered.

"Gil, do you like when women massage your balls?" She questioned huskily as her tongue flickered over the tip of his head once more. "'Cause I know some men that love it, and others, it's a total turn off."

He was having a hard time staying focused. If she kept this up much longer, he was going to lose it right here in her mouth. Not in a million years would he have thought that he'd have a chance with her, let alone this!

"Gil…" She briefly stopped massaging and she heard him let out a breath. "Gil, tell me what you like."

"Yes." Was the only word he could coherently come up with.

She knew what he meant by that and that was all he needed to say. She stood up briefly and then applied pressure to his chest, forcing him closer to the bed. His knees buckled when they hit the bed and he fell backwards onto the bed. Catherine, however, went to her knees and before he could say anything, she took his balls in her hand; soothing, stroking and messaging in all the right areas. When he didn't think things could get any better, he felt her mouth return her ministrations on his dick. All the feelings were coming in full force by this time.

"Cath—Catherine…if you keep…oh god…Cath, if you keep this up…I wouldn't be able to hold off much…longer." He managed to explain.

"Hmmm…" Was the only thing audible that came out of her mouth.

"God, Catherine!" He shrieked as the continuation of pleasure was almost too much to bear. He reached for her and she paused and looked up at him.

Gil sat up on his elbows, his legs dangling off the side of the bed, as she spoke. "Gil, I want to feel you in my mouth. I want to feel you come in my mouth. I want to taste you."

"But…Catherine…I want you—"

"Afterwards." She grinned.

"You seem to think I'm some horny teenager who can, "do it" several times a day. If you've forgotten, I'm in my upper forties!" He pleaded with her.

"Ooh, well, Gil, I know you're not a teenager." She nodded her head towards his cock and then met his eyes once more. "…but that doesn't mean you're not horny." She seductively winked.

"But…but what about you?"

"Always worrying about other people. Well, I'll tell ya what." She placed both her hands on his legs. "After your 'release' we'll play a little bit. Then we'll see just how much of a teenager you've got inside that heart of yours. Sound good?"

Gil had never been with a woman like this before. She was taking control and he loved it. He wanted to make love to her but he also wanted to please her and if it meant allowing her to…then he was going to. Usually women just wanted to fuck and be done with it, but not Catherine. She was taking her time which he appreciated since, he to, loved detail. He didn't want to rush this and by the looks of things, neither did she.

He nodded and she started to resume her administrations when he spoke up once more. "But….but only if you're naked. I want…I want to see you. Look at you."

She gave him that all too familiar "Catherine smirk" and nodded. "Ok." She said as she stood up. She started to pull her last article of clothing down, or lack there of, but he stopped her.

"No, that's _my_ job." He declared.

He sat completely up on the edge of the bed this time, her standing in between his legs, as his fingers slipped inside her underwear. Ravishing like, Gil, pulled them down ever so slowly.

Once she stepped out of them, he just starred at her in awe. Was this really happening? All of a sudden he felt like this was a dream.

_Oh god, this isn't a dream isn't? Please god, don't let it be a dream._

"No, Gil, this is not a dream." She startled him. Had he just said that out loud? "This is as real as it gets." She explained as she cupped his face.

He grabbed her by the hips and pulled her onto the bed with him. She was partially lying on him and partially off but he remedied that quickly enough as he pulled the lower half of her body on top of him as well. She gasped and he inhaled deeply at the feeling of his penis touching her core. Oh god, so close.

For the first time…everything they both were feeling was incredibly mind-boggling. All the sensations they were feeling was something they thought had died out with age. For the first time since they've known each other, they both lied together, one on top of the other, completely naked. Not one item of clothing in the way. This _was_ what heaven was supposed to feel like.

The both held each others glance; looking at each other for the first time since the 'ultimate contact.' Gil saw lust in her eyes and she saw devotion in his. Gil knew he would never be alone again and Catherine knew she would never be hit or treated like shit again. Equals.

"Are you sure you want to finish me off now?" He broke the silence and smiled as his hand strayed in between the both of them.

He could see, by the look in her eyes, what he was doing to her and he loved it.

"Oh…god…Gil." She moaned as she felt his finger trail over her center.

"You can just call me, Gil, you know." It was his turn to be in control.

She didn't have a chance to respond as he flipped her over onto her back and, agonizingly slow; licked, kissed, nibbled, and sucked her until he reached her midsection.

She felt him stick a finger inside her. He softly administered pressure and stroked her; rubbing his thumb over her nub.

"Ooh, you're so wet." He noted.

She felt his tongue lick her clit. She shuddered and squirmed in response.

"Well, Gil, see what you do to me? You're sexy as—"

She felt him began to expertly suck her as another finger entered her and she was unable to finish.

"Oh, god, Gil…I'm so…so close, baby." She begged him now and this only encouraged him more.

And, fuck, did she feel good when she came hard into his mouth. She screamed his name in response as her body continued to feel nothing but pleasure. Once she stopped squirming, he licked her, making a trail as he crawled back up her body and kissed her. Gil Grissom had never felt more confident in his life than he did at this very moment in time.

"Beautiful." He whispered as his eyes met with hers. "And the taste…" He trailed off as he licked cleaned his fingers.

"I love you." She mumbled. "If I'd have known better, Gil, I'd say you've been practicing." And within a second, he was on his back.

"Catherine…"

"I want to feel you inside me, Gil."

"I was hoping so..."

"But, I mean, you don't mind then?" She chewed on her bottom lip as she straddled his lap. "I mean, I told you that I would…"

Gil buckled his hips into her, the tip of his penis grazing her hot, wet, lips and that was all Catherine needed to feel. She had her answer and she was good and ready. She knew he was a 'big man' but she could handle him.

"Catherine…do you need and…do you have a preference to—"

His words were cut off when she began to lower herself onto him. A low groan escaped his lips in response. He instantly reached for her hips to help guide her. Catherine felt numb. No, numb was the wrong word. She was tingling inside and out; her inner walls constricting over his cock. She felt…loved? Was that it? Truly loved. So this is what it felt like.

Gil moaned when she took his whole being fully inside her. She was so tight and hot. It felt so good. Smelled so good. She started to move slowly, Gil meeting her rhythm, when she felt another orgasm coming on.

"Oh…god…" She moaned. "So…so close."

And this is when he carefully, yet eagerly, flipped her over onto her back and took over. He shifted his position slightly so that it gave her the maximizing effect of pleasure. She wrapped her legs around his waist as she felt her orgasm hit her hard.

"Ahhh, Gil!" She screamed.

That was all Gil needed to hear and he let go; filling her with his little soldiers. He collapsed on top of her momentarily but then, after realizing he must be crushing her with his weight, he rolled off her and onto his side.

Possessively, he slung an arm around her.

**A/N: So, guys...what did you think? See, it wasn't that bad (Smiles). I actually had intended on this being the last chapter but since its rated M and not everyone might read this, I shall do more. Please review and let me know that you're still out there reading this!**

**-Snyder-**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained.

**Rating:** This chapter is rated T.

**A/N:** This will be the final chapter of the story. I've enjoyed writing this so very much!

**Special Thanks:** I would like to thank: 27dayz, AlexisFFMimi, Amber Hermione, blueberriebutt, Bonegee, candidata, cathwill, D.M.A.S, FashionIsLove, FoxyWombat, JenniDinoRobot, LadyMarmalade282, Psykogrl, RHunter, spottedhorse, tova77f. Also, thanks to the reviewers on ! You guys know who you are.

**CHAPTER: 20**

They both laid in bed for a few moment. Gil's arm was still possessively around Catherine and she loved it. What they had just done felt so damn good. Both had yet to come down from their high, nor did they want to. Both wished they could feel this way forever, hoping this love they both shared for each other would never burn out.

Gil wasn't sure what to say to her, only knew how he felt and when he started to speak, Catherine turned onto her left side to face him.

"You're amazing." She whispered as she kissed him softly on his healing, though still bruised, lips.

"Only because I have an amazing lover." He whispered back, sexy as hell, and leaned in to kiss her. Oh what he could do to her with those lips.

When he pulled away, she brushed her hand against his lips and jaw line.

"Does it still hurt?" She quietly asked.

"Not anymore." He smirked as she continued to rub her fingers over his bottom lip.

"What about your head?" She moved her hand up to his soft curls around his temple.

"Catherine, I'm fine." He reassured her and seductively kissed her once more.

"Hmm…" She moaned. "Gil, if you don't stop, I might have to have my mad, wicked way with you again."

He raised an eye brow to this but responded to her comment nonetheless.

"Oh? I might just have to let you." He whispered and gripped her ass briefly.

She moaned closing her eyes briefly at his touch but then opened them once more to look at him.

"And here I thought you said that you weren't a…what was it again? Oh yes! You weren't a 'horny teenager anymore.'" She grinned as she quoted him during their time of passion.

"See what you do to me?" He joked as he continued to hold her.

He didn't want to let her go because of so many fears. He was a kind, soft spoken man that could easily be hurt and she could see that in his eyes as he held onto her tighter. Gil's insecurities started to come out and he could only hope that she'd see through his apprehensiveness. Somehow he just couldn't process what was going on but he new now that it was real.

After a few moments, Gil pulled back and had an unreadable look on his face. Worry? Perhaps unsure? He was definitely deep in thought as he rested his right arm under his head.

"Gil? What's wrong?" She closed the small gap in between them once more; their naked bodies teasing each others.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing Catherine."

"Don't lie to me, Gil. I don't like being lied to."

"Sorry." He confessed. "I'm just…insecure I guess. I've never had anything this remarkable happen to me before. I guess I'm still trying to adjust to the fact that you love me." He disclosed.

"I can understand that, Gil, because I feel the same way. Everyone has their insecurities…especially when they don't or can't understand how something so beautiful can happen to them…" She paused. "But you do know that I love you, right?" He nodded his head. "And I know that you love me. We can get through and figure out the rest later. We got through the hard part; actually confessing our love to one another…and now…now all we have to do is sit back and feel the love we share for one another." She cupped his face with her right hand.

Gil understood what she meant and he physically relaxed more.

"Does Lindsey like me?" He randomly blurted out like a child.

She knew where this was going and had never really thought about it before this. Well, she had but not before they started…

"She doesn't really know you, Gil." She hesitated. "We did…um, talk about you though."

This made his eyes instinctively perk up.

"You did? When and what did this conversation entitle?" He was very interested now.

"Last weekend….when I came home on Sunday. I told her that I thought I was in love with you…" She drifted off.

"And what did she say?" He relished in the confession.

"She rolled her eyes as if to say, 'duh.' She said she already knew that…so it didn't surprise her…"

"Wait, you loved me or have been thinking about…us…before this happened?" He asked.

"Of course, Gil. I told you that I've loved you for a very long time and you know that…and…and after last weekend, of you holding me and comforting me…well, I couldn't get you out of my head. You invaded my thoughts. You comforted me, Gil, and I actually felt…loved. It felt good, really good to know that when I woke up, you'd be right here with me." She paused and bit her lip.

"Catherine?" He encouraged her to continue.

"Then, then I had that dream about you. I was so, so scared. I hated myself for never telling you that I loved you. I wanted to hold you, feel you and never let go. Then I realized it was a dream and there was nothing I wanted to more than to tell you how I felt while I held you in my arms; never letting you out of arms length. I wanted to live that every day of my life, holding and comforting each other, and forget about what I had dreamt but I figured—"

"That I didn't feel the same?" He finished for her.

"Yes." She silently confirmed. "And if I had never had that dream…I don't think I would've ever had to courage to tell you how I feel…"

"I feel the same way that you feel about me, Catherine." He smiled. "And look where we are now."

They both glanced down at each others naked form.

"As long as we have each other and love each other…there's no place I'd rather be. I love you so much, Catherine." He informed her as he rubbed the small of her back. "And I can promise you that I'll never hurt you or leave you for as long as I live."

"I love you too, Gil." Catherine spoke as she returned the soothing gesture. "And I know that you'd never hurt me. Your soul, you're so gentle, Gil." She paused briefly. "We have so much to talk about."

"Yes, yes we do…but let's forget about all of that for right now. Forget about work, forget about life in general and just be caught up in _this_ moment, ok?" He whispered.

"I can do that. There's nothing I'd rather do and there's no place I'd rather be."

They held each other and silently thought about the future that they would have with each other. Would she and Lindsey move in with him or would he move in with them? How would Lindsey take it? What would happen to their jobs? All doesn't matter right now. All they cared about is that they were finally together after all these years and no one would break them apart.

"Gil?" She softly asked.

"Yeah?" He asked and briefly pulled away from her to look into her eyes.

"Hold onto me. Hold onto me and never let go."

"I can do that…" He reached for her once more. "Always and forever, Catherine." Gil reassured her and kissed her forehead.

Gil now had the life he'd always dreamt about.

**End.**

**A/N: So, this is the end guys. I know it's not too long but I'm thinking about doing a sequel later. Not right away because I have a lot of other stories lined up that I've been thinking about…but you never know. I have an idea that involves Eddie. (Evil Laugh).**

**So, what did you think in all? I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you all for the kind reviews!**

**-Snyder-**


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